


Drifting Towards Something

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff, Domestic Violence, Hurt and comfort, I update frequently I promise I will never leave a fic unfinished, I will have ways set up to avoid the graphic self harm so you can still read the story, If it doesn't make sense blame the alternate universe, M/M, No really I love a good plot twist, Pierced Cas, Plot Twists, Rated Mature for Cas and his clients, Read the chapter notes I will post any warnings for that chapter there, Self Harm (Cas) ungraphic unless I state so in the chapter notes, Some Rape/Noncon (not graphic), Tattooed Cas, hooker cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:56:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2127570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Dean kicks Cas out he is left to fend for himself. Sam is healthy now so Dean tries to find Cas for many months. What he doesn't know is Cas has changed a lot since their last meeting. Hooker fallen angel Cas just isn't the angel of the lord they last saw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Changing Tides

**Author's Note:**

> No one betas this so sorry for any errors. This is an idea I've had for a while so tell me what you thought. :)

"Cas you just can't stay here man." Cas looked at Dean and took the credit card with a barely audible thank you and goodbye. Cas assumed he finally had ruined everything now including his only friends well at this point more like family. He closed the door and left not bothering to look behind or he knew he would burst into tears. 

Sam kept getting better and better until the angel wasn't needed anymore and Sam was okay on his own. Dean hugged Sam and explained to him what happened. Sam was furious at first but he eventually forgave Dean. Dean immediately starting trying to find Cas, he had been gone over a year and no one in the hunting community had heard a thing. 

Cas after leaving the bunker went to a hotel and used the stolen credit card for a week. The rooms were small and reaked of cigarettes and sex but he was still grateful for a bed. He found himself guilty for using the credit card and cut it in half before walking down the street to the nearest gas n sip for a job. The manager hired cas without a second thought and Cas was so happy for the job. He worked hard until he got promoted and finally made enough money he could pay for a room food and he could get an antipossesion tattoo. 

He went to a run down tattoo parlor and got the tattoo right where dean and sam got theirs. Cas would shower before work and dry off with the brittle towel running it over the symbol. Everyday he smiled at the reminder of his family then he quickly swallowed down tears and a frown would appear on his face. He had lost his "family", Cas almost laughed at how Dean "needed him". Apparently he didn't Cas thought bitterly. At first simple tasks like brushing his teeth, showering, eating, and sleeping proved difficult for the ex angel. He got most of it down except sleeping. Sleeping always troubled him, he dreamed of falling angels but mostly Dean and Sam. Letting Dean down yet again. And Sam hating him for it. 

Cas got a routine down after about three months, shower, work, eat, work, go home, eat, and then bed. It was boresome at best but it kept Cas busy. when the gas n sip went out of business Cas had a panic attack in the bathroom and fell slicing his arm. It calmed Cas down and he wrapped it in bandages before trying to find a new job.

Cas applied to the nearest grocery store but with an apologetic smile the blonde clerk told Cas there were no openings. Cas told her he understood and went back to the hotel. He only had enough money for either food or the room so he grabbed his only suitcase threw his clothes into it and went out onto the street. He didnt know what he was doing or where he was going but he had to leave.

He had wondered and slept on the street for three days. He had all of his stuff stolen after the second night. Cas ran his fingers through his hair before heading to the small coffeshop for a warm drink at least. His money was dwindling fast. He pushed open the door activating the small chime and sat down at an open barstool. 

The happy young women came over as always. "What can I get you." 

"The cheapest warm drink please." Cas said with a smile. The women nodded before going back to the kitchen. Cas slumped over in his seat and starred down at the flooring. 

The women returned back with a cup of black coffee and Cas handed her a small pile of bills before drinking it in record time. He left the shop with a small wave before standing on the street corner and counted his remaining money. He had to get some more money. It shouldn't get cold for a few months so he had a little time at least he thought before he couldnt sleep outside. 

He stuffed the money back in his pocket right as he felt someone tug his shoulder. Before he had time to turn around he felt a pain in his chest before hitting the ground.

When he awoke he found himself wearing only jeans and a tee shirt his jacket, watch, and money all stolen. Great he thought. Cas looked up at the sky and realized it was almost dark. He trudged towards the park when a car drove next to him at a slow speed that rolled down the windows. "How much?" A dark haired man asked following Cas' s side slowly. 

"What?" Cas asked confused tilting his head to the side at the man.

"How much for a blowjob?" 

"Umm fifty bucks?" Cas asked. He tried not to let his voice break, he an ex angel of the Lord was now apparently giving blow jobs for 50 bucks?! But the pain in his stomach kept growing.

"Okay hop in hot stuff ill pay you after." The man said with a twisted smirk unlocking the passenger door.

Cas climbed in and closed the door. The man drove a few miles before pulling into a dark alley next to a bar. Cas was about to ask why they were here when the man grabbed Cas by the collar and threw him into the back. Cas let out a startled whine. "One second baby let me get comfortable." The man growled and ripped off his pants. Cas tried not to let his facade fall. He had observed such acts as an angel before but he had no idea what to do and this frankly was disgusting and horrible. 

"Im ready!" He growled after throwing his pants and boxers under the seats. He grabbed Cas' s hair and thrust his face down unto his dick and thrust roughly into his mouth. Cas thanked whoever was listening he didnt have a gag reflex, the man gripped his hair tighter the more Cas struggled and so he eventually became a rag doll cat in the mans hands. Cas' s jaw felt as though it was going to break when the man finally came down his throat. Cas swallowed it unhappily and tried not to reach up and touch his swore jaw. 

"Thanks angel maybe ill see ya round again?" He growled and threw a fifty at Cas and opened the door and let Cas stumble out. The man sped off leaving Cas on the side of the road. Cas let a single tear run down his cheek as he wiped his mouth and walked to the nearest hotel feeling dirty and ruined. It was probably worse then the previous hotel but it was cheap and left him enough money for food in the morning. 

Dean woke up to the sun streaming down his face and padded down the hall to the kitchen where he found Sam eating waffles. Sam's color was returning to normal and he mumbled a quick "good morning" at him.

"Mornin Sammy. " Dean said pouring a cup of coffee. Cas had always hated coffee. Sam sent him bitchface 5,891 and huffed. 

"First its Sam and second have you found any news on Cas' s whereabouts? " 

"Naw man no ones seen him." Dean said quietly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Dont worry Dean we'll find him and explain everything." 

Deans frown lifted into almost a smile and mumbled a quick bitch to his brother.

"Jerk."

Cas awoke to a banging headboard in the room next door and opened his eyes and glanced over at the clock. He sat uo wincing at the pain in his butt before pulling back the sheets and taking a hot shower to relieve the pain and also wash away the disgust he felt. By now he must have made over three thousand dollars. Last night was a rough man who buys him often. He never preps which Cas learned the hard way. Tonight was the night a women named Becky usually picks him up. She is probably the nicest of them all which to be fair isn't saying much. 

He dried himself off glancing at himself in the mirror. He has self inflicted cuts running up his arms in zig zags several fresh from the morning. And then the black wings that take up most of his back with initials in every feather. Each initial representing someone he had let down. He ran his finger tip over the dw and sw before looking down the the Enochian on his hips. One said "love has the power for life." And the other " love has the power for death." He dried his arms with inked roses and vines running up them. His other arm the same but with lightening running down them. 

He pulled up his skinny jeans and pulled over a tight black tee before heading to the store. Cas went over to the newspaper section and lifted the newest article about a mysterious death. Cas chuckled sadly thinking about how Sam and Dean are probably working the case, it was about thirty minutes from where Cas stayed at. Cas grabbed a six pack, two packs of cigarettes, bread, and some meat and checked out. He carried it back to his apartment and put them in the fridge. He ate dinner before heading down the street to his normal corner. He never brought people to his apartment it was the one thing he had that was his own. His body isn't even his anymore he thought grimly. 

Becky pulled up in her convertible and waved Cas in. She didnt bother asking the price she had it memorized. They drove back to her house. He followed her inside into the bedroom and he undid his clothes with accuracy. No one ever asked about the tattoos or the scars much to Cas' s joy. She instantly shoved Cas inside her and set a grueling pace. Cas just laid on his back and tried to ignore the nails digging into him. Cas had gotten the nickname as angel from all of his clients apparently it was because he just took whatever they did like an angel and the wings obviously. He hated the nickname but he refused to give his real name so he never corrected people. At first Cas always hurt and he cried every night hoping Dean and Sam would rescue him or this was all a bad dream. Though eventually he grew used to the pain and disgust and he then realized he had to eat had to live and this was the only option. Soon enough he didnt feel the ache in his butt or the red nail marks down his back or the pain in his jaw. 

He snapped back to reality as Becky came and fell on top of him In exhaustion. After five minutes or so she gave him the money with a soft smile. Cas counted it before pocketing it and went back to the apartment barely remembering the whole encounter except the emptiness he felt.

Cas walked past a 24/7 tattoo shop before thinking why the hell not and went inside. "How can I help you?" A red haired women asked sweetly.

"I want some tattoos going down my legs." Cas stated not even slightly nervous. 

"Okay sweetie you can go back and tell Ralph what you want." She pointed to a door in the back and Cas went in and found a brown long haired man with many tattoos sitting in the back with an earring in his eyebrow. 

"I like your piercing." Cas said casually hands in his jeans. 

"Thanks man you want one ill do it free if charge?" Ralph asked pushing his hair off of his face.

"Yeah cool." Cas said and sat in the chair.

"Dean its been almost three years, you're not gonna find him." Sam said trying to be firm yet gentle. 

Dean just glared at Sam and slammed the door shut to his room. He laid there with his arms over his face for about an hour before a soft knock came on the door. "Come in."

"There's a case if you want it. Sounds like werewolves?" Sam asked.

"Sure lets go tomorrow." Dean said lacking his normal enthusiasm. 

"Okay look Dean im sorry but the odds are you aren't going to find Cas. I miss him too man I really do but I mean im just trying to be realistic." Sam said leaning in the doorway.

"I know Sammy I just..." Dean trailed off looking at his hands in his lap.

"Okay well night jerk."

"Bitch."

They left early and went to the Miller's house where they talked to the parents who said the last time they saw him he was going to a friends house. Sam and Dean thanked the distraught couple before driving to the friends house. The ruffled up boy said they were at a club at about eleven when the victim apparently went to go get a hooker to blow off steam befor returning home.

Sam and Dean both decided to wait till dark and went out to the supposed street corner and waited until they saw someone leaning against the street light smoking a cigarette. Damn he's pretty good lookin. Dean thought with an awed expression. Too bad he's a whore Dean thought sadly. He looked over at Sam.

"We gotta talk to this guy he might have killed the dude or he knows who did it or what did it cause I dont think its werewolves."

"How am I supposed to do that... I dont have a lot of experience talking to... ya know hookers man." Dean said nervously.

"Just roll down your window I dont really think these people are picky he's probably just some rebelling teen. Maybe he'll just come over here and we can ask him." Sam said gesturing for Dean to open his window angrily.

Cas ate dinner before pulling up his skintight black ripped jeans and threw on a blue tee shirt that matched his eyes. It was getting colder out so he debated putting on a coat when he remembered it would just get taken off him anyway. He put on a fine streak of eyeliner that wasn't noticeable enough to look like makeup but it made his eyes goregous and he knew it. Cas needed some more money for another piercing he wanted. He loved his eyebrow piercing and the newest feathers falling down his legs so he wanted to get another piercing. He wasn't sure where yet but he new he wanted it. 

Cas' s hair already had the messy sex hair so he didnt bother it and checked himself in the mirror one more time before heading to his street corner. Max has the street before 12 but then the rest of the night its his. Cas strutted his way towards the corner under the street and leaned against it under the street light. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, he knew most people found it sexy so he took his time. He saw and impala on the curb. He didnt even bother with the hope it was Sam and Dean he had the same hope too many times before. The impala on the other side of the street rolled down its window and so Cas takes the cue and sways his hips over to the car. He puts his elbow on the edge of the car window making his shirt ride up revealing some of his tattoos and dropped his cigarette to the ground putting it out with his shoe. He finally lifts his head looking through his eyelashes to make sure he gets the attention of the driver, when he's met with two very startled pairs of eyes.


	2. Reeling Backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam are shocked. Thats all you get you have to read it! XD

"Cas?!" Dean asked in a startled cry. Dean twisted his head at Sam who just started stuttering while looking at Dean then back at Cas. 

"Well there goes my hundred." Cas said with a grimace.

"Wait Cas!?" Dean asked again.

"You have got to be shitting me." Cas said in a muffled voice looking down at his clothes his limbs shaking softly 'wow great time to have a panic attack' he thought agrivated. He ruffled around his clothes till he found his pack of cigarettes sticking out of his boxers slightly. He took a shaky breath and pulled one out, lighting it quickly before holding it to his lips and taking a long drag. Cas took several deep breaths from the cigarette until his frame stopped shaking. "I finally almost have enough money to pay off my apartment i was moving on with my life and now you show up." Cas said with a pained laugh. "Of course. . . Well talk to me." Cas said leaning back on the car taking drags from his cigarette and blew smoke rings.

"God Cas what happened?" Dean asked in a sad quiet voice while Sam still had his mouth hanging open. He looked Cas up and down. He had certainly lost weight and he had apparently a lot of tattoos who knows how many more he can't see. An eyebrow piercing for Christ's sake and he's a hooker! "No wait you are coming back to the bunker case or not and telling me what the hell happened. " Dean said looking at Cas's lined eyes.

"No Dean I can't just come to the bunker. If you guys want to talk you are coming to my place." Cas said with a firm glare. "Capische?"

"Uh yeah." Sam said finally speaking looking at Dean. 

"Great now follow me." Cas said to Dean and Sam. They both shot each other a look before opening their doors and stepping into the cold night air.

Sam shivered even though he was wearing a leather jacket and looked over at Cas and trailed behind him as he made his way to the complex. "Why are you not wearing a coat its freezing out?" Sam asked trying to ease a bit of the tension.

"Why would I wear a coat if A. Someone is going to steal it and B. Why wear a coat when they are just going to remove it or rip it anyway." Cas said casually and stood in front of the lock and pulled a key from his sock and opened the door into a dark hallway. "Follow me." Cas said quietly and led them towards a door. 

"Jesus Cas how can you see?" Dean asked swearing under his breath when he kept stumbling over things in the dark hallway.

"Well it used to be lit but I didnt have enough money for the electric bill. The heating is working and all but I got some money last night so it should be on by tomorrow." Cas said pulling the door open. Dean tried not to cry as Cas led them into his apartment. It was small and included a tiny kitchen a small living room and what looked like a bedroom. "Make yourselves at home ill be right back." Cas returned from the bedroom minutes later carrying a basket full of candles now wearing only his jeans not bothering with a shirt. Cas had lost any and all embarrassment about his body long ago except now. He didnt even mind they could see the tattoos it was the fact they could see the cuts running up his arms. 

Cas sat the basket on the table and placed various candles along the walls and counters and lit them all. After a faint glow covered the room he sat down in a chair across from Sam and Dean. "So... what do you want to know?" 

Dean cleared his throat and then looked at Sam briefly. "Can I just here all the story?" 

"Yeah Cas I mean what happened?" Sam asked leaning forward in his chair.

"God okay fine yes but im smoking if I have to." Cas said and finished a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it off a candle. 

"See like you smoke and the tattoos and your a hooker like god Cas what happened?" Dean said resting his hands on his face. 

"Well lets see... after I left... the bunker I went to a hotel and worked at a gas n sip for some time. Things went well I had food a room I mean it wasn't great but it worked. Then they shut down, I had a panic attack sliced my arm and I realized it calmed me down which led to... this." Cas paused looking down at his arms and took a puff from his cigarette before continuing. 

"I tried getting other jobs but no one was hiring. I had to either sleep in a hotel and have no food or stay outside and eat. So I packed up and lived on the street. I got robbed, I had no food no room so I started walking when a guy pulled up next to me. He asked me how much and at first I was confused and so innocent. Scared. I had no idea what he meant. And when i did i almost wished i didnt. He explained and I got 50 dollars enough for food even if it left my jaw sore and a nasty taste in my mouth at least I had warmth in my stomach. After that everything spiralled, I starting cutting more, starting smoking to stop panic attacks, got more and more tattoos, and I became a hooker. At first I would dream of you finding me and saving me but instead I would wake up in someone else's bed with money thrown at me. I have had everything from famous people to a unprepared fuck without a single penny given to me afterward but I had hope. I saved my money till I could afford this place. Its not much but its mine. Buisness picked up over time I got regulars and well here I am. And I finally just lost hope and gave in to being a whore. Its not a good life a bad life or a terrible life. To be honest I dont know what it is but its what I had to do." Cas finished taking a long sigh out.

"God Cas." Dean said gruffly swallowing down the begging of tears. "Im so sorry." Sam just nodded at what Dean said and wiped his eyes. 

"Well doesn't matter now." Cas said bitterly.

"No Cas it does matter. You came to us when you needed us most and we turned you away with barely anything. God Cas now you're on street corners selling yourself away." Sam said looking at Cas with furrowed brows and an apologetic head tilt.

"Well since I clearly ain't getting money tonight I am gonna go to bed to rest up for the morning. You both can stay the night if you wanna continue this conversation tomorrow." Cas said standing up stretching upward like a cat showing just the tips of the writing on his hips. 

"Thanks Cas that is great but we can stay at a hotel or something." Dean said quietly still trying to process everything.

"No I insist. You can both share my bed and I will sleep on the couch and don't argue me on this." Cas said sternly heading into the bathroom before either brother could say anything.

"Well Dean you found Cas." Sam said weakly.

"God Sam what did I do to him!? I destroyed him! Look at him he's a hooker, smokes, and does who knows what else because I was a little bitch! Yeah I found him but he's not Cas anymore. " Dean yelled. 

"Well Dean this is your chance to fix it so lets just be good guests and friends tonight and we'll talk to him in the morning or something." Sam said putting a hand on Dean's shoulder patting it gently. Dean went into Cas' s bedroom first and was dumbfounded followed by the gasp Sam let out. 

The room had a small closet a table next to the rather large king bed but none of this mattered because contrary to the rest of the house there were huge canvases with wings similar to the ones on his back with blood dripping down them in dramatic ride swipes.

Sam sat on the bed starring at them and Dean was about to join him when he noticed a small notebook next to the bed. Dean knew he shouldn't look at it yet he found himself grabbing it and flipped to the first page. He scanned down it quickly and realized it had the date, name, (if any) and description of every person he's been with. He had what they asked for how much the paid and how painful it was. Some would say simple: nice. Smart. Mean. Angry. Others would say: Raped. Forceful. Scary. Drug lord. After several guilt filled page readings Dean set it back down just in time for Cas to walk through the door the same but without makeup on. Cas handed Dean and Sam two pillows and smiled before turning to his closet. For a moment his smile looked the same.

Cas pulled out a pair of dark jeans and a white shirt. He grabbed a condom out of a box in his closet stuck it in the pocket and threw the pile of clothes out the door next to the couch with a thud. Cas didn't even have a flicker of emotion cross his face where Dean looked angry and Sam horrified. Cas didnt even look at Sam and Dean as he pulled out a pair of gray sweatpants from his wardrobe and set them on top. He bent down and pulled off his pants without a second thought and threw them in a dirty clothes hamper. 

Cas didnt seem to care about Dean and Sam's presence he just held up his sweatpants to inspect them before trading them for a black pair instead. Sam and Dean both didnt even really notice what Cas was doing all they saw were the finger like bruises on his hips and red nail marks going down his back. Dean thought for sure he was gonna kill whoever did that to Cas when he remembered he caused that. He led Cas to do that. After looking at the bruises he looked at the wings and the small initials in each feather. He swallowed down some guilt at seeing his intitials along with Sam's. He wanted to ask what they meant but decided against it. After a moment of appreciating the feathers he noticed the falling feathers that travel down both of Cas's legs in gracious swirling patterns. 

Cas pulled up his sweatpants without a word and waved a silent goodbye before closing the door leaving the two alone. Dean just kept replaying his image of Cas in his head. Cas was no longer an angel with a stick up his ass. Sam and Dean both didn't say anything and they laid next to each other in the king bed not moving an inch. Both brothers trying to figure out their next move. 

"We will figure it out tomorrow." Sam said quietly and blew out the candles and settled into bed.

"Yeah." Dean said softly and turned on his side fighting back tears.

Cas laid on the couch facing the table with a single candle lit. He wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks, he checked his fingers for an eyeliner on them before wiping them on his pants. He glanced at the clothes set out for him in the morning and sighed; he finally had a life. A new life. Cas had moved on and he had friends, almost an apartment, and he had finally given up the hope Dean and Sam would save him. 

He had given up. And now they had to send him reeling back to the beginning. Cas wiped his eyes one more time before deciding that he will figure it all out at some point but he wouldn't let it interrupt his normal schuele. He blew out the candle and set his alarm before drifting into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the support my lovelies! I appreciate it so much you are all the best. I hope I didn't dissapointed and I will be writing more. I have no idea how long it will be but I have big hopes for it! Give me comments, criticism, ideas, anything you want. I love it all! ♡♡♡ And was artist Cas a surprise? :3


	3. Pain shows in the eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. And did Cas tell them everything.

Cas' s alarm starting blaring music at 5 am. Today was his busiest day of the week. He didnt make appointments with clients but he would have some regulars that would get him on a certain day or a certain time. He hates those days, today was a particularly grueling day; he had Chelsea at 8, Mark at 12, Tom at 4, and then freestyle from 12 on. He despised today but also he made the most money. He would be able to get a piercing, pay off the apartment, and go grocery shopping today. Plus depending on how much he had left he could go to the craft store and buy canvases and paints. 

Cas turned his alarm off and opened his eyes blinded by the lights. Well electricity is back on. He twisted his back till he heard a pop and padded his way to the shower. He stood under the warm water cleaning himself thoroughly for his clients and after almost an hour he turned off the water. He draped a fluffy white towel around his waist and tied it quickly before walking into the kitchen with steam trailing behind. 

Cas went to the kitchen to start breakfast even though he was dripping water and started making scrambled eyes. He wanted waffles but he couldnt make any till he went shopping tomorrow or today. 

While the eggs started to cook he opened his bedroom door silently and stuck a few more condoms in his pocket just in case one of his clients forgot one. Cas looked at Sam and Dean sleeping before picking up the black book and writing down who he was going to see and went back to stir the eggs just before they burned. He prodded the pan a bit before he heard footsteps coming from his bedroom. Cas turned towards the door and saw a sleepy Dean come into the room. He made his way and mumbled a quick "mornin Cas."

"Good morning Dean I made eyes if you want some?" Cas asked sweetly.

"That would be great." 

Cas shoveled the eggs into two bowls. He handed one to Dean and he took it with a small thanks. Dean sat down at the round table and shoveled the eggs into his mouth approvingly and Cas poured him a glass of orange juice. Cas looked at his phone and mumbled a shit before dumping the eggs into his mouth not even noticing the pain.

Dean watched with interest as Cas ran into the bathroom and flung the door open. Dean sat down his eyes and watched with intrigue as Cas layered black eyeliner and spread a lip balm over his lips. Cas checked his face before brushing his teeth in a record time. He spit out the tooth paste without even washing his mouth afterwards and ran back into the living room while Dean followed Cas with his eyes. Cas threw off the towel covering him with no modesty and pulled up his pants pulling out the condoms quickly to make sure they were still there. Deans eyes about bugged out of his head when Cas dropped his towel.

Dean knew after about six months that he didn't feel so sad about Cas leaving because he was a friend it was because he was in love with him. Dean at first tried to convince himself that it was platonic but he realized he couldnt lie to himself any longer. Dean looked Cas up and down and 'Damn' Dean thought, "I mean Cas is fucking beautiful!" His skin was decorated in scars, tattoos, and bruises but he still had the pale skin that complimented the dark ink and accented bright blue eyes. 

Cas pulled on a shirt and walked over to the table where Dean sat still baffled. "I got to go ill be back for lunch then ill be back for dinner. We can talk at lunch or dinner. Bye see ya in an hour or so." Cas said hurriedly and went out the door before Dean could say goodbye. 

Dean sat at the table unhappily, not only did he do this to Cas but also even though Dean's back Cas didn't stop. Dean didn't really think about what Cas did too much because it just made him upset but he didnt think about the fact Cas did this everyday. With strangers some of which raped him. Saw him, abused him. Dean wanted to be Cas's first so bad and he couldnt even be Cas' s hundredth. Dean swallowed down his guilt, jealousy, and shame just in time for Sam to come out of the bedroom yawning. 

Dean filled Sam in on the recent events and Sam nodded along and made some eggs. They both decided to figure out what they wanted to ask and what they would be comfortable allowing when Sam finished eating.

Sam scooped up the rest of his eyes and stuck them in his mouth before turning to Dean. "So what are we gonna do?" Sam asked. 

"Man I dont know I just I can't leave him again." Dean said rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

"I agree and I want you to know man he can stay with us as long as you want." Sam said smiling.

"Okay... okay so I just need to convince Cas to come back to the bunker... easy enough." Dean said standing up.

Cas went with Chelsea back to her house like usual. When Cas stumbled out 200 dollars richer at 10:00 he didnt even remember the encounter. All he knew was he had money and a whole lot of dark red hickeys on his jaw and neck. He rubbed at them unhappily and went back to the apartment to shower again till 12. 

Cas opened the door and was shocked to remember Dean and Sam were there. Sam and Dean were both sprawled out on the couch watching Doctor Sexy. "Hey Cas." Sam waved and Dean mumbled a quiet hello. 

"Hey I got to go shower then ill be out." Cas mumbled and went up next to the couch and threw the 200 on the table along with the condom wrapper from his pocket. Cas went into the bathroom and started showering while Dean and Sam both were looking at the table. Sam quirked an eyebrow and Dean glared at the money as though it personally offended him.

Cas came out with a towel around his waste and went into his bedroom. Dean and Sam watched him go into the room. Dean looked at the purpling hickeys with anger and jealousy. "Man Dean how can Cas just... do this everyday?" Sam said looking at the now closed door.

"I dont know Sam but I know I have to fix this." Dean said with determination in his eyes.

Cas came out of the room and Sam and Dean both looked up to ask him when he was gonna be back when the question caught in his throat. Cas was wearing fish nets under a black short skirt with a skin tight black tee on. Cas walked by not even noticing the shocked looks and picked up a pair on high heels and slid them on. He turned and went into the bathroom and applied black liner around his eyes except it was winged on the end. 

Cas came back into the living room glanced at the table gave a quiet one second and went back into his bedroom. Dean and Sam were still gawking when Cas came back clutching a jar full of money. There had to be several thousands dollars in it. The jar was almost full but Cas took the 200 and stuck it with the rest of the money but kept 100. He set it down on the ledge by the tv. "Im getting some art supplies till later anything you guys want or anything? Cas asked lifting up his shirt pulled his pants to the side revealing red panties?! And stuck the hundred in the side.

"Wh what what!?" Sam asked.

"Uh Cas what with the a. Fishnets b. High heels and c. The panties?" Dean asked voice breaking when he reached the end.

Cas glanced down as though confused and then let out a quiet ohhhh. "Well you see my four o clock is a bit.... kinky." Cas said with a wink and pulled a leather jacket off the coat rack and threw it on. "But he pays extra." Cas said with a devilish grin. 

Dean and Sam both shot Cas bug eyes with a side of fish mouth while Sam kept opening and closing his mouth trying to form any acceptable sentence. "So there anything you guys want at the craft store?" Cas asked with a smile and when all he got were two shaked heads he left with a simple goodbye. 

"What!?" Sam asked nearly yelling.

"WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY?!" Dean said definitely being at the point of yelling.

"And how much money does he have!? I mean he must have thousands! Cas could easily move out right? find a new job yet why does he stay here? " Sam asked growing quieter by the end.

 

"Man I dont know but I should at least ask still no matter how different he is now." Dean said refusing to meet Sam's eyes. 

"I agree. We should ask him tonight." 

"When?" 

"Well lets do it when he's done "working" and we have his full attention." Sam suggested shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah sure." 

Cas returned later with bags of paints and canvases. He set them in the living room and was barely in the door for more then a minute before he said he had to go. Cas met with his next client and tried not to freak out on the ride over. The man was very kinky, very rough, and never prepped. Cas had prepared himself for this very occasion earlier but it still always felt as though the man was splitting him in two. 

After being tied up, gagged, split in two, eaten alive, and having his mouth used Cas was given 500 from a sneering Tom and a smack on the butt for him to be on his way. Cas' s whole body burned, he was on the verge of tears but refused to let them spill. He even bought groceries for dinner and a bottle of whiskey from a judgemental lady and carried them all the way home. 

He walked back refusing to take a taxi and went up to his apartment reeking of sex and alcohol. He winced every time he walked and his jaw was killing him. Eating dinner was gonna be fun tonight Cas thought bitterly. He opened the door and kicked off his shoes against the wall and put the groceries in the fridge before peeling off all of his clothes and throwing them outside of the bathroom uncaring if Dean and Sam saw him naked, threw the money into the jar and took a hot shower. 

Dean and Sam were about to greet Cas when they heard his shoes being thrown and looked over to see a frankly very unhappy Cas putting away groceries. Sam and Dean both watched in silence when he stripped down wincing after moving every muscle and put a great sum of money into the jar.

Dean and Sam heard the door open and Cas walked out in his normal towel. He winced with ever step and pulled a bottle down from the cupboard and popped two pills. He went into his bedroom and returned wearing black straight pants with an overcoat. He wore a white dress shirt under it with red pin stripes going down it with black suspenders. Cas had a red tie hanging from his neck and he tied it in front of the mirror getting it right the first time. Dean admitted to himself that Cas indeed looked sexy as all hell but yet the look of the perfectly done tie made him frown. 'Since when can Cas do a tie?' Dean thought unhappily. 

"Okay so is spaghetti good?" Cas asked standing in front of the couch.

"Yeah Cas thats cool, do you need some help? Sam asked kindly. 

"If you would like to you can if not I can manage." Cas said with a smile and went towards the kitchen trying to hide his pain.

"Sure Cas I've been bored sitting around all day." Sam said getting up and following Cas.

"Ya know what count me in." Dean said gruffly getting up.

"Flip to page five. " Cas said and tied an apron around him. 

"Sure Cas." The brothers pulled down a cooking book and leaned over and read the recipe. Cas sat out the pureed tomatoes, parsely, tomato juice, and pasta. Cas filled up a pot of boiling water and Dean and Sam measured the ingredients. Cas stirred the sauce and they all started to laugh and joke together. Cas was smiling that goofy grin he gets when truly happy, Sam and Dean were having a great time and Cas told them about the first time he made pasta and how it caught on fire. Sam and Dean laughed so hard their sides hurt. 

Once the food was done Cas carried the big bowl of pasta over to the table and placed it on the pot holders. They all took turns dishing out pasta and Cas brought out a bottle of whiskey and poured them all some. They finished dinner but they all stayed by the table and talked. Dean asked Cas what movies he has seen and Sam asked what food he's tried. Cas answered them all with a smile and even told him some stories of his own. 

They were all laughing and having a good time, Cas was going to go out later at 12 for some more money but he didn't bother getting ready yet it was only 11. Dean watched Cas laughing and couldnt help but smile, he realized that the Cas he knew was still there and that Dean was still in love with Cas and he knew it would be difficult and there would be commitment but it would be worth it for Cas. If them being together meant never having sex he would do it, he would do anything for Cas.

After they all about died from laughter Sam and Dean exchanged a look and Dean nodded. "So Cas I mean I know you have quite a set up here and everything but man Sam and I both miss you man, if you want you can-" Dean began but was cut off by a loud knocking on the door. Dean gave an annoyed frown and Sam sent an apologetic look at Dean. 

"Sorry let me get that its probably a girl scout." Cas said with a laugh and went towards the door. 

He opened the door and revealed a dirty blonde man with blue eyes holding a bouquet of red roses.

"Jamie!?" Cas shouted and leaped into the mans arms blurring his head into the slightly taller mans neck wrapping his legs around his back.

"God Cas baby, I missed you so much angel!" Jamie exclaimed squeezing him tightly. Finally the two pulled away and Cas firmly on the ground and the man held out the bouquet for Cas. Cas took the red roses and smelled them and read the small card quickly before glancing up from his eyelashes at the lean man. 

"Jamie I missed you so much! I was starting to think you forgot me." Cas said holding the flowers to his chest. 

"I could never and I mean never leave you behind for any reason." Jamie said putting two fingers under Cas' s chin lifting his gaze to his face. Dean swallowed at that and tried to not show his pain. Jamie leaned forward and kissed Cas gently resting a hand sweetly on his chin pulling Cas towards him. Cas took his spare hand and weaved it into the mans short haired and yanked him closer deepening the kiss. After Cas let out a small moan he pushed the man away and took his hand and weaved their fingers together. 

 

Cas drug the man into the kitchen and took a vase down, Cas cut the roses down gently and leaned over to whisper something in the mans ear that made him smile and kiss Cas on the cheek. He put water in it and plopped the roses in it.

He brought over the vase in one hand Jamie's hand in the other. He set the vase down in the center of the small table with a wicked grin. Dean and Sam both had a startled expression but this time there was more pain in them. Sam looked over at Dean and noticed the tears in his eyes but didn't say anything. 

"Dean, Sam this is my husband Jamie." Cas said resting his hand on the blonde man's chest affectionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated once today already but I wrote this and it didnt seem fair to hold it hostage! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT AND PRETTY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT! TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THE PLOT AND WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE AND THANKS FOR READING! I LOVE YOU I mean its cool ya know thx for readin and stuff :3 ♡♡♡


	4. Bloody Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven only lasts so long. 
> 
> *please note this chapter brushes lightly over rape/Noncon and domestic violence. Nothing explicit but just letting you know. *

After the painful meeting of Cas' s husband Sam and Dean retired to the bed. "Dean, man talk to me." Sam said softly sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Dean just turned towards Sam and attacked him in a hug. "God Sam I messed it up. I messed everything up for good!" Dean cried sobbing into Sam's shirt. Sam tried to not let his surprise show but Dean hadn't cried over anything that wasn't a death in a long time. 

"Come on Dean we will head back to the bunker tomorrow and pretend like none of this happened okay?"

"How am I supposed to do that? I loved him Sammy and I destroyed him and lost him. I should be happy but it hurts so god damn much."

Sam and Dean fell asleep with the lights on and woke up to the sound of giggling. Dean and Sam pushed their door open and found Cas holding the money from the jar laughing and smiling. He grabbed Jamie's face and kissed him before hugging him fiercely. "Sam Dean!" Cas cried joyously.

"What?" Sam said popping his head out of the doorway. 

"So I was gonna wait to tell you but me and Jamie have been saving and I have enough money to go to art school!" Cas screaming holding the money close to his heart smiling so wide Dean thought his face would crack.

"Wow congrats Cas!" Dean said trying to be convincing.

"Yeah man good job." 

Cas ran forward and wrapped his arms around the brothers squishing them close jumping up and down. "Jamie has been saving money for a house together and I have enough to go to school. Get a real job! I can quit!" Cas said with a toothy grin! Deans heart warmed uncontrollably at the sight before the realization Dean wasn't the one who is living with Cas. "I would um like if we could remain friends now." Cas said sheepishly. "I understand if you dont want to talk but if you do-" Cas grabbed a piece of paper. "This will be my new address and my phone number. We should be getting married in August and I would like you guys to be there. I know its over a year away but I wanted to let you guys know." Cas said with a shy smile holding out the paper. 

"Yeah Cas of course!" Sam said taking the paper and putting it in his pocket. 

"Yeah and well me and Sam should be gettin back to the bunker and um ill see you round Cas." Dean said walking out of the apartment before Cas could say a thing. Sam hugged Cas and wished him good luck and followed Dean out the door. He found Dean in the car hands on his face crying softly. "Dean."

"Dont. Just drive." Dean said firmly.

-6 Months Later-

Cas hadn't gotten a single call from either brother. He checked his phone everyday and his mailbox but nothing ever came. Cas would swallow down his sadness at the lack of contact everyday and go inside to the house to grab his stuff before going to class.

Cas was blossoming in his classes. He rose to every occasion and the professors always talked to him before and after class. His artwork was all pinks and reds of love and yellows of joy. Life was going wonderfully until he came home that night early marking six months since they moved in together. 

Cas had just finished a beautiful watercolor flower painting and came home early. He started a romantic dinner he had planned for weeks when he heard a thud upstairs. He ran upstairs near panic attack worried for Jamie and opened the door. 'What if there is an intruder? '

He flat out screamed, Jamie laid on a naked women. Cas ran down the steps and into the kitchen before his legs gave out. He fell to the cold stone ground and sobs racked through his body in breathy pained noises. 

A small blonde women ran out the front door and he heard Jamie come down the steps, he looked up and saw him standing there. "Jamie h-how could you! We were g-going to get married!? I thought you loved me?" Cas asked barely understandable.

Jamie leaned down and grabbed Cas by the collar, "no one could love a whore like you! You had to come home early, too bad this was all going so well when you did it voluntarily but now I will have to do it the other way." Jamie sneered in his face and slapped him hard across the face. Cas momentarily blacked out, but when he awoke he was on the bed but not wearing clothes. 'God no please please please let this be a dream! I know I wasn't a good angel but god please dont let him do this! It was bad when they were strangers but please not Jamie.' Cas prayed tears flowing down his cheeks when he felt another slap.

 

Cas went to class the next day, black and blue all over his face. Luckily no one could see the rest of him. He winced in pain worse then ever before when he sat down. When the canvas was sat in front of him nothing would appear in him mind. No one said anything.

When Cas got home (two months later) he crept the door open very quietly hoping Jamie wasn't home for the first time in his life. He had no such luck. Jamie ran into the room hot and angry. It builded in a slow burn. He started off yelling at him for being late then it followed with a soft slap. Then harder. Harder. Ripped off his pants. Harder. 'God please let me black out.' His head hit the table and all that left was black.

Every morning there were more bruises more bleeding and more fear. Ten months since he last saw Dean and Sam with three months till the... wedding Cas thought barely managing to not throw up while thinking about it. He peeled off his shirt and he looked down at his chest. He was so skinny you could count his ribs. His hipbones were unnaturally sharp. He looked in the mirror, his eyes had dark bags he didnt even look earthly.

Cas trudged to class and he starred at yet another blank canvas, his professors all questioned him about the bruises and his lack of art but he always came up with some ludicrous excuse. They dont believe him, Cas can tell but they never say anything. 

Cas never let anyone near him anymore, professors couldnt touch his shoulder, if someone bumped into him he would spiral into a panic attack on the stop. Cas knew it was pathetic that after all he's been through this was what broke him but that just made Cas hate himself more.

Cas returned one hour later on a Thursday night there was construction and an accident down the street. He crept through the door shakes wracking through his body. As soon as he was in the doorway he felt a sharp pain crack through his head, then everything went black. When Cas woke up everything was blurred and he could see blood everywhere, he could feel glass in his arm. He reached for his phone and called 991 just before darkness claimed him again. 

When he woke up he felt pain everywhere and there was a bright white light bleeding through his closed eye lids. Cas painfully opened his eyes and saw a white tiled ceiling. He looked down and saw blood, cuts, bruises, and an iv. "Where am I?" Cas asked his voice gruffer then usual turning towards a figure next to him.

"You're in the hospital Cas." He heard a deep voice say. Cas turned his head and was met with a pair of framiliar green blood shot eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated a lot today but I was in a dreadful mood today so I thought I should at least do something besides mooping. I love all the comments you give and kudos it makes my day! Fan fic writers get no reward except bookmarks comments and kudos so thanks! :)
> 
>  
> 
> ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
> ***ATTENTION THIS IS AN ALERT THERE SEEMS TO BE A PLOTHOLE***  
> Someone brought up how could Cas just let Jamie beat him and not defend himself well I personally thought between the time lapse, prostitution which really got rid of his need to fight back, and also I feel as though Cas hated it but the emotional abuse really took a toll on him like I feel that the fact he was so in love with Jamie and he was the first person who told him that he wasn't just a whore and deserved love the fact he then tells him he doesn't deserve loves make him doubt if he really does deserve happiness love the right to live, I didnt include most of the time Jamie was with Cas because I wanted to leave it to your imagination but I think Jamie told Cas that he loved him and that he wouldn't abuse him because he's full of worth and talent and for Jamie to then say that really devastated Cas on many levels. Kinda like Cas was like maybe he is right? It made him weak not to mention he loses a lot of weight and muscle gets burned before fat so in his prostitution days when he couldnt eat for a long time he lost muscle mass and later with Jamie he is very emaciated due to his own self hate/depression/maybe he got anorexia? I dont think I made that very clear but that was my reasoning behind the weight loss I will try and make that more clear next chapter, I hope that maybe clears it up gives a new perspective or something? And if nothing else its an au XD I hope that maybe sets your mind at ease or something???
> 
> *** THANK YOU FOR READING THIS SPECIAL ALERT***


	5. Lost Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a chat with two hunters.This is a truly terrible summary but I dont like to give much away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all of the angst recently! I promise fluff is to come. This is a hurt comfort fic so remember for all the hurt their will be comfort. Thought more pain will happen occasionally.

"Dean what happened? " Cas mumbled trying to remember anything.

"Well I was hoping you'd tell me. They found you in your house laying on the floor in blood and glass, with a vase smashed on the ground." Dean said softly yet with firm undertones leaning forward in the hospital chair. Dean searched Cas' s face and moved his chair closer so he could take Cas' s hand. "Cas, if Jamie did this man we got to arrest him." He tried to pull Cas' s hand into his own but he flinched away. 

"Dont touch me please." Cas said with tears starting to well up."he wiped them even though he winced moving his sliced up arm.

"Cas did Jamie do this?" Dean said again but more confident in his question.

Cas started crying and curled up into a ball. "You dont understand Dean! I deserve it. I deserve it. I deserve it!" Cas sobbed holding his face in his hands. 

Dean wanted to lean forward so bad and hug Cas and comfort his angel. Dean fought back and firmly gripped his leg to stop from even thinking about it. He loved Cas so desperately the fact Cas thought no one loved him sent physical pain into his chest. 'wait my angel?' Dean thought backtracking with surprise. 'No I am not even getting into this right now. He needs a friend right now.' 

"Dean can I have a cigarette? " Cas asked shaking. 

"Cas those things are gonna kill you. Not to mention we are in a hospital." 

"Dean i have experienced near death and death many times and if a cigarette will bring me closer to it, I welcome the help." Cas said coldly. He didnt really mean to spill that, but why would Dean care anyway if he wished he was dead.

"Cas." Dean said his voice breaking in a pitiful squeak. It seemed he was about to say something when Sam knocked on the door, his eyes just as blood shot as Dean's. He carried two cups of coffee and handed one to Dean. 

"I hope im not interrupting." Sam said taking the other seat and moving it next to Dean's. 

"Cas what happened? " Dean asked in a broken voice trying not to get a feeling of deja vu from when they found him last time.

Caa took two long deep breaths before beggining. "Well we moved into our house and I planned the wedding happily, Jamie was so sweet, my teachers loved me. I was still hopeful and happy that one day one of you would call me or send a letter. You never did." Cas said coldly. "Then one day I came home early to make a romantic dinner. I was so excited and bursting with joy. I heard a noise upstairs and I thought he was in trouble. He wasn't, he was just doing a pretty blonde. When she left he told me how he never loved me and this was all a game. And then he would rape me some days during or after the beatings. It went on for a while and then the last thing I remember was I was late coming home from school, I opened the door and I felt pain. I woke up momentarily called the police and here I am. You two were my only emergency contacts so thats why you two ending up here." Cas said and turned to look and Sam and Dean's horrified faces. 

"Christ Cas." Dean said rubbing his hands over his face yet his chest filled with a small burst of love that him and Sam were Cas's only contacts. 

"Cas um I don't want to make this worse but we tried calling you. When that didn't work we sent you letters for months but we started to assume you just didn't want to talk to us." Sam whispered trying not to let Cas' s heartbroken expression get to him.

"What?" Cas asked quietly trying to hide the immense pain.

"Cas, we got to call the cops." Dean said staring into the blue eyes sharp with pain.

"Do it." Cas muttered quietly the realization of what they were saying hitting him. Rage boiling inside him, Jamie had played him the whole time and he fell for it. 

"What?" Dean asked.

"I SAID DO IT!" Cas yelled before breaking down into sobbs that went through his whole body.

"Dean can you go tell the cops and call up the school let him know he wont be in for some ti me" Sam asked. 

"Yeah, ill be back in a bit." Dean said and left with an apologetic look at Sam and Dean.

"Cas buddy." Sam started and tried to place a hand on his shoulder but he flinched away instantly with horrified eyes. 

"Don't touch me." Cas gritted through his teeth.

"Cas," Sam started with apologetic eyes. "I think you need to see some professional help. You didn't used to be like this. You're better then this. You are my best friend and I want you to be Castiel the angel of the lord again. I dont care what changed grace or not but I want you strong and independent again. You deserve happiness and love Cas. But you can't if you dont let us or a therapist help." 

Cas just nodded with tears falling down his cheek silently and the room fell into silence. Minutes later Dean returned to the room and nodded at Sam's questioning head tilt. "They took him in he admitted to everything." 

"When can I come home?" Cas asked.

"Well your house still has glass and blood in it so it should take a while. You dont have any major injuries except some cuts. You should get out tomorrow but just take it easy." Dean recited yet it still hurt that Cas was gonna get away again.

"No." Cas said firmly.

"No?" Dean asked confused.

"That wasn't my home. The bunker was my home and I would very much like to return to it if I can?" Cas asked shyly.

Sam looked at Dean with a soft smirk and Dean shot Sam a huge smile. "Cas you are always welcome at the bunker." 

Cas gave a small smile before settling into the bed. "I guess ill have to go back and get my stuff eventually. Would you guys go with me?"

"We will get it all if you want?" Sam asked.

"No I need to go back one last time." Cas said before he pulled up the blankets and drifted into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone so much for the support and criticism it makes my day every time I am so happy you all enjoy it! I hope you like where this is going if not tell me if so tell me! Also its okay to point out errors and such! I am the only person who reads this before I post so sorry for grammer spelling and plot issues. 
> 
> And now presenting....
> 
> *PLOT PREVIEW*
> 
> In the next chapters I hope to add more fluffy moments to the angst sea. Jamie is gone for now, I dont say it in the story but when the cops take Jamie they find other criminal activity so he's locked up for good. The next few are recovery and such with a lot of sweet Cas/ Sam moments i love their friendship and hope to add some cute moments (they will not be a couple though). Then hopefully after that we can truly get into destiel territory with cute kissing and such. I promise it will come though!
> 
> *THANK YOU FOR READING THIS PLOT PREVIEW*


	6. Blacks Quote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas at the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet! This chapter is angst filled im so sorry! Next chapter will be super super angst filled and then i promise fluff will happen. I tried to edit this as best as possible but I can only imagine all the errors so sorry! So angst im sorry! I promise the chapter after next will be happy!

Cas, Dean, and Sam all went back to the house together. No one mentioned how shaken Cas looked or the way his hand tremored when he opened the door. Sam and Dean just stayed close by when they made the way to the bedroom. Sam and Dean both tried to lead Cas away from the blood and glass by the doorway and Cas appreciated that they cared enough to do that though he pretended he didnt notice. 'Its nice to have someone care.'

Cas made his way up the steps closely followed by the two brothers. Cas took a deep breath before pushing open the bedroom door. Cas turned on the lights and started grabbing the stuff he needed. Sam and Dean were going to help him grab stuff when they saw the bed. There was blood all over it and around it. Sam leaned next to Dean and whispered very quietly. "I thought the police said they found him downstairs"

"They did." Dean said horrified. 

Cas went around the room and grabbed a few journals and a small box he grabbed from under the bed along with a suitcase full of clothes and a small box full of trinkets. "Hey can you guys take these." Cas said reaching under his bed and grabbing several huge canvases. Dean and Sam instantly recognized them from his old bedroom and took them. "Well I believe thats it." Cas said firmly taking another glance around the room before nodding and walking back down the stairs.

They went back outside and into the Impala. Cas slide in the back next to his paintings and suitcase. They drove back to the bunker listening to Led Zeppelin. Cas watched the house disappear from sight, he hated Jamie yet the good memories he had no matter how faked there were brought him warmth. The feeling of when Jamie came home with flowers brought him such joy and love and he hadn't felt that way for a long time not since... 

Cas looked ahead at the two brothers arguing about something, probably Dean's choice of music and Cas took it all in with a small smile. He was home.

They pulled into the bunker and the brothers helped Cas bring his stuff inside. Cas took a deep breath before opening the door to his home. Sam showed Cas which room they designated as his. Cas set down all of his stuff in the room and looked down the hall. Sam's room was next door with Dean's across.

Cas noticed several nails above his door and slide his canvases on top of them. He angled his painting until he was sure they were level. "Hey we are gonna go get some food we are gonna be back in a bit." Sam said and closed the door to his room with a smile.

"Okay and thanks."

Sam and Dean shut the door and Dean started the engine and pulled out unto the road. "So Dean, when are you gonna tell Cas you love him?" 

"SAM! He literally just got out of a relationship, he doesn't let people touch him, I just got him back in my life and you ask when I am going to admit my love?!" Dean asked gripping the wheel tighter.

"No need to get bitchy Dean I was just asking." Sam huffed and they drove in silence the rest of the way there.

Cas started putting away his clothes into the wooden dresser folding them precisely with care stacking them in neat rows. After he finished with that he picked up the old shoebox and debated whether or not to open it. He had left that part of his life behind but yet here he is. Cas ran his hand over the lid several times debating what to do before settling it back under the bed. 

He pulled out some of his various items and set them on the top of his dresser. He put all of his art supplies up there along with a silver box. Cas fiddled with a few of the items until he was happy where they were situated and traveled into the hall. Hopefully Sam and Dean will be back soon, Cas thought as his stomach started to hurt. Cas was flooded with memories as he made his way into the living room. Very little had changed in the bunker except some photos hung on the wall of Bobby, jo, charlie, Ellen, Sam, John, Dean, and... wait? Cas thought startled, Sam and Dean had a picture of him on the wall. He starred at it for several minutes trying to make sure it was real but Dean and Sam did indeed have a picture of him up there. After all this time they still had his picture. Even after his fall and after he left the bunker they kept his picture. 

'I don't deserve to be up here.' Cas thought with tears welling in his eyes. Cas turned around and head back to his room sharply and locked the door. 

Sam and Dean drove back to the bunker with bags of food since they needed to go shopping anyway plus there is another person. They pulled up and drug the groceries in and threw them on the kitchen counter with a thud. "Hey why don't you go get Cas and ask him what he wants." Dean said with a grin at the thought that Cas is here, putting milk away in the fridge.

"Yeah sure. " Sam said and found Cas' s door. Dean used to walk by that door and stare at it everyday. Sam never asked why but he knew Dean would have given the room to Cas so it only seemed fitting Cas have it. "Cas." Sam knocked on the door. 

"One second." Cas said and started frantically putting stuff away. Cas looked around the room and down at himself one last time before opening the door making sure everything was hidden. "Yeah?" Cas asked leaning in the doorway breathing hard.

"You okay it took you a while to answer?" Sam asked looking over Cas and into his room.

"Yes I was just... organizing my stuff." Cas answered turning his head to look at his room.  
"Okay... so Dean wants to know what you want for dinner?" 

"Um whatever is fine." 

Cas closed his door and moved past Sam into the kitchen and found Dean flipping through a cookbook.

"Heya Cas." Dean said without looking from the book. "Anything jumping out?" Dean asked looking at Cas. "Oh right sorry that means anything look better then the rest." Dean corrected.

"I know what it means and anything is good im not to picky." Cas answered leaning forward on the counter. The counter was cold against his arms but he looked over and read what Dean was looking at not noticing his hurt expression. Dean felt a stab in his chest when Cas said that. Hes right Dean thought Cas isn't a confused innocent angel anymore. He probably has done more things then Dean and heard plenty of different people in his time. Yet it still hurt that Dean didnt get to watch his change, the first time he slept. The first hamburger he ate. He missed it all. All because he had to be so stupid. 

"Well that sounds good Dean." Cas said gesturing at the recipe for soup. 

"Um yeah."

"Need any help?" Cas asked smiling with a warm fuzzy look.

"Nope just sit tight it should be done in a bit." Dean answered sharply, ignoring Cas' s hurt expression and sag of his shoulders as he went into the living room. 'No need to be a jerk Dean.' He reminded himself its not his fault he missed it. 

Cas pulled out his phone and went outside and watched the bees and called Professor Thomas, his clay instructor/team captain hoping to let him know he will be back to class soon . He dialed the number and listened to it ring but no one picked up. He left a message saying he will be back Monday to finish working on the clay pot with wings on it after class to catch up so he doesn't fail. He was having a hard time getting them right anyway and he needed the help. He went back inside and set it on the coffee table in the living room before heading upstairs to leave a reminder on his table. 

Sam went into the dining room to charge his laptop when he heard the phone ring. He started to make his way towards it when he heard Cas call from the hallway if someone could get it. Dean went into the living room and picked it up. "Hello?" 

"Is this Castiel?" The man asked.

"No but I can take a message?" Dean asked holding the phone to his ear.

"Well tell Cas I got his voicemail and Monday at four works for me and that I'm sure his wings will look great." The man said across the line. Cas had been fixing the wings for three days.

Dean's heart stopped when he heard that. Cas was not only seeing someone but he was gonna have sex with them!? Dean thought enraged. "Yeah okay bye." Dean said with his jaw clenched and hung up Cas' s phone.

Cas came into the living room and saw Dean set down his phone. "Sorry I couldnt get it. Who was it?" 

"Some guy said that he would see you Monday at four and not to worry because your wings will look great." Dean said coldly not even looking at Cas.

"Oh thats great I was worried he thought they wouldn't look nice." Cas said with a huge smile on his lips he had been worrying about the clay class for ages and he was so relieved the professor thought it would turn out good. Thomas was one of his favorite professors he reminded him of a sixty year old Dean.

"Well foods done." Dean said gruffly and stomped into the kitchen. Cas shoot Sam a hurt look and Sam just shrugged his shoulders and followed Dean into the kitchen. Cas swallowed down his hurt and went into the kitchen where three bowls sat on the table. 

He sat down across from Dean and took a spoonful of soup. "Its very good Dean thank you." Cas said smiling up at Dean. 

"Sure." Dean said mumbling and refused to meet Cas's eyes. Sam sent Dean a bitchface he couldnt see and though Cas didnt say anything he could tell Cas was hurt.

"How was the store?" Cas asked to both brothers.

"Fine." 

"It was good Cas." Sam said with a smile and looked over at Dean with a 'what the hell' look.

After a few moments of silence Cas tried again. "If you would like Dean I can cook tomorrow? " Cas asked his voice starting to shake.

"Whatever." Dean answered.

"Okay." Cas said in a small voice.

Cas ate a bit of the soup but he wasn't hungry anymore. He knew he couldn't possibly be full but yet he couldn't bring himself to eat. 'How foolish to think Dean wanted me here.' Cas sat down the spoon not feeling hungry and watched Sam and Dean eat several minutes before dumping his down the trash hoping they didn't see how little he ate. When he looked over Dean was staring down at his soup frowning and Sam was glaring daggers into the side of his head.

"Im going to bed. Goodnight Sam. Goodnight Dean." 

"Night Cas if you need anything don't be afraid to ask." Sam said with a side grin.

"Night. " Dean mumbled to the table. 

Cas left the kitchen staring down at his feet tears stinging the edges of his eyes. He pushed his door open and flung himself unto his bed and sobbed. 'Dean hates me. Dean hates me. Dean doesn't want me here. I should just leave.' Cas thought pained. Cas clutched his legs to his chest and sobbed for what must have been an hour when he heard a door slam across the hall and Sam's door open. 

Hearing Dean so angry made Cas cry harder, he clutched his side digging his nails into it. 'Dean hates me. Dean hates me and there is nothing I can do.' Cas threw his head down on his pillow when he heard his door creek open and from the dark hallway he saw Sam in his plaid pajamas and blue tee shirt. "Cas?" Sam asked and when he saw him on his bed he closed his door and set on the bed next to him. "Come here man." Sam said quietly and Cas wrapped his arms around Sams large frame and sobbed. "Dean hates me Dean hates me Dean hates me." Cas sobbed into Sam's shirt over and over again. 

Sam rubbed Cas' s back and pulled Cas closer to him. "Dean doesn't hate you I dont know whats wrong with him but he doesn't hate you." Sam said to Cas and wrapped his arms around his shaking frame. Sam looked down and tried not to cry himself. 'Poor Cas. He comes back and Dean treats him like shit even when Cas was being really kind. Man he is light. I got to get him to eat more.' Sam thought and made a mental note. 

Cas snuggled into Sam's side for about an hour sobbing. "I love you and Dean so much and I can't have him hate me. It will destroy me. I-i was gonna go after school Monday and finish this- this project with a pair of w-wings on it and give it to him. I was gonna paint you a m-moose for you too." Cas explained crying still. He gently cried until he fell asleep. Sam tried to move Cas but he was latched on so Sam just laid down with Cas and fell asleep hoping Dean wasn't in such a terrible mood tomorrow.

Dean woke up at seven and rubbed his face before going into the kitchen to greet Sam. He went in and went to say mornin Sammy but he wasn't in the kitchen "okay..." Dean said to no one and went to Sam's bedroom to wake him up. Dean realized last night that Cas isn't dating him so what right did he have to say who he dated and well he was kinda a jerk. 

Dean knocked on Sam's door before opening it and found that his bed was made and he wasn't in there. 'Where the hell is he?" Dean thought starting to panic. 'Maybe Cas knows.' Dean thought desperately and opened Cas' s door without knocking. The wind knocked right out of him when he saw Cas wrapped around Sam laying on his chest. 

Dean closed the door and backed away like it had burned him. He felt hurt betrayal and jealous flare up inside and went into his own room and starting crying. 'How could Sam do this he knows I am in love with Cas.' Dean thought with pain and confusion. 'Of course Cas would want Sam hes smart and nice and everything im not.' Dean thought wiping the tears running down his face. He sat on his bed after his tears dried and tried to figure out what he would say to Sam.

He heard noise in Cas' s room so he assumed they would be out soon so he made his way into the living room. He heard the door open and two pairs of footsteps.

Cas hugged Sam in the doorway squishing him with a hug. "I love you Sam I dont know what I would do without you." Cas said.

"Love you too Cas and dont worry everything will work out in the end." Sam said and went into the kitchen while Cas went into the living room. Dean thought he was gonna die when he heard Cas and Sam. Cas loved him? Deans heart shattered and then he became furious. Not only did Cas sleep with Sam but he was cheating on him with some guy on Monday!? 

"Good morning Dean." Cas said hopefully. Sam said Dean didn't hate him and no one knows Dean better then Sam so maybe Cas had just misunderstood. 

Dean just looked up and glared at Cas before going into his room and slamming his door. Sam came out to see what was wrong and Cas just looked at Sam once before Cas ran into his room sobbing the whole way. 

Sam just tried to figure out what happened. Literally all Cas did was say good morning!? 'Im gonna snap Dean in half till he stops being a dick.' Sam thought and stormed down to Dean's room.

Cas sat on his bed and heard Sam come down the hall. He expected his door to open but instead he heard Sam whip open Dean's door. "DEAN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" 

"SAM JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Dean yelled across the room at Sam. 'How dare he do this to me! I have the right to be pissed at Cas and Sam.'

"NO YOU ARE BEING A TOTAL DICK TO CAS SO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG!" 

"YOU KNOW WHAT FRANKLY I DONT CARE IF IM BEING A DICK TO THAT... WHORE." Dean spat at Sam.

Sam's angry demeanor was wiped immediately and he looked at Dean like Dean disgusted him. "Dean?" Sam asked quietly with a sad look in his eyes.

Cas's heart sunk and his blood run cold as he heard their conversation across the hall. 'This can't be happening. No this can't be happening. Who am I kidding thats all I am! Why did I think I would be anything but a whore to him!? It hurts so much. Ive heard it from Jamie everyday but f-from D-dean it... it hurts so damn much.' Cas clutched his heart and he fell to his knees as he heard Sam mutter a quiet Dean. He layed his whole body on the whole and sobbed on the floor. His whole body shaking and quivering against the cold wood. 

Sam slammed the door and shoved Dean on his bed. "How dare you?" Sam whispered in harsh tones in Dean's face. "How dare you! That whore as you would say had to become a hooker because he had no home! Because we left him on his own! Then he is trapped in an abusive relationship and trusts us enough to live with us after that! Then he was sobbing all last night thinking you hated him and clung to me after he couldnt even let me touch him at the hospital out of fear, because he was so broke up over you! He trusted you to not give him the same shit ass treatment Jamie did and then you have the balls to call him a whore! That man is one of the best people I have ever known and I would be more proud to call him my brother right now then you! Maybe you can relate to a quote I heard. DONT JUDGE A MAN BY HOW HE TREATS HIS EQUALS BUT HIS INFERIORS! I am frankly ashamed that you of all people Dean would do such a thing to Cas! The man who gave everything for you. Everything! HE HAS SAVED YOUR LIFE HE HAS SAVED MINE COUNTLESS TIMES. He forgave us after we abandoned him and you treat him like he is a filthy whore! HE STILL FUCKING LOVES YOU AND ME AFTER ALL OF THAT. HE WAS GONNA STAY AFTER SCHOOL ON MONDAY TO MAKE A FUCKING ART PROJECT ON MONDAY FOR YOU! I RECOMMEND YOU WALK YOUR SORRY ASS INTO CAS'S ROOM AND BEG CAS FOR FORGIVENESS AND PRAY TO GOD THAT HE DOES BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T BUT THEN AGAIN CAS ALWAYS TRUSTED YOU. HE THOUGHT SO HIGHLY OF YOU! I SURE HOPE IT WASN'T MISPLACED!" Sam said firmly an inch away from Dean's startled face.

"I-i didnt know " Dean stuttered trying to take in everything Sam said feeling incredibly guilty.

"Go!" Sam pointed at the door. "Fix it before its too late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for super angst next chapter. Read the chapter beggining notes next chapter because there are some triggering things I will bring up but I have a way prepared to skip it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading you all reading this makes me so happy! Next chapter is very personal to me which I promise ill explain. 
> 
> And I really am sorry for angst and the angst next chapter. And sorry for the language this chapter I usually try to avoid strong language.


	7. Beads of red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE PLEASE NOTE THIS HAS GRAPHIC SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER! IF YOU WISH NOT TO READ IT SCROLL DOWN TILL YOU SEE ******* 

Cas could hear Sam and Dean still talking, though it was all muffled through the door. Cas laid on the floor his tears rolled down his cheek and hit the floor with soft sounds. He set a hand on his heart hoping it would lessen the twisting in it. He breathing came out hard and frantic as he realized Dean was going to kick him out. 

'Im gonna have to go back to being a hooker. I am gonna have no money. No food. I am gonna have to quit school. Just when I thought everything was going right!' 

Cas stumbled to the edge of his dresser and pulled the lid open of the silver box. He grabbed one of the blades and went over to his bed his breathing still rapid and rough. He lifted the edge of his shirt trembling feeling the cold air rush over his body before holding the blade to his hip reveling in the feel of the firm cold blade against the soft warm skin.

He twisted his hand ever so slightly and felt it break skin. He pulled it upwards towards him in a straight line, only curved because of the bone underneath. His vision was blurred by tears but he knew exactly how it looked. The ever so curved red line, not very deep but deep enough to draw droplets of blood to the surface going over the faded brown lines.   
The brown lines of previous cuts always faded a bit more everyday yet no matter how long he waited you could still see that they were there. Cas hated looking at them it just reminded him how much pain he was in and that he was too weak to just kill himself in the first place. He would hold a bottle of Tylenol in his hands. If he took the whole bottle he would be dead before morning. Cas would roll the bottle in his hand for minutes before setting it back on the counter and backing away like it burned him.

The shallow cuts were always his favorite, they healed in about a week and didn't bleed a whole lot but they would sting every time he walked, turned, and it stung like hell in the shower. 

Cutting wasn't because he wanted to kill himself, he didnt have the strength for that though if he ever died he can't say he would be upset. He just didnt have the ability to end himself willingly. People think suicide depression and cutting all go together. Some are effects of others and some people may have one but not the others. The pain just made him forget all of his troubles for a while. Relieve him for a bit. It was a small vacation from reality. 

He closed his eyes and reveled in the relief before starting the other hip and drawing it upward. His eyes had cleared so he watched the blood rush to the surface forming small beads shortly after the blade left. He wasn't particularly fond of blood though seeing his own wasn't bothersome. Other peoples blood means someone else is hurt or injured. When it was Cas' s own blood that meant he was hurt and frankly that doesn't matter. Cas doesn't care if he were to die. Dean doesn't care if Cas died. Sam might care for a few days but he would be fine quickly.

Cas held the blade to his skin to make one last cut when Dean opened his door and caught him blade to skin with blood on his hips. Dean slowly made his way over never breaking eye contact with the tear glazed eyes and took the blade from his hands and set it on the dresser. "Stay here." Dean said quietly and went into his own room and told Sam to bring the first aid kit into Cas' s room. Sam didn't ask why he only nodded and went to get it. 

Dean found Cas exactly the same except his hands were shaking. 'Dean knows now he is so ashamed. Dean is gonna hate me more.' 

Dean knelt before Cas and took his hands into his own and kissed them. It was such an innocent intimate gesture that Cas felt love blossom in his chest in excellent waves washing away his hurt.

Dean pulled away but kept the hands in his own until Sam opened the door and gasped at the sight before making his way over to Dean and Cas trying not to look at the blood. 

He knelt before Cas like Dean did and peeled off the backing of a bandage before placing it on the bleeding cut gently pressing it down lightly as possible trying not to cause the cut to become any wider. 

 

***************  
(For any who skipped Dean found Cas cutting. He kissed his hands and then Dean told Sam. Sam put a bandages on them. And here we are)

 

Cas cried quiet tears while Dean held his hands and Sam pressed on the bandages to secure them in place. It wasn't out of the pain but all of his emotions overtaking him that he let the tears flow freely. Sam finished and hugged Cas before telling him he loved him and that he would give them some space. Sam closed the door before Dean said anything.

"Cas I love you and please never ever do this again. Not for me. Not for anyone. Im sorry for what I said and I was being a total dick and im so sorry. Please please forgive me Cas." Dean begged holding Cas' s hands tighter looking into his eyes. 

"I will always forgive you Dean." Cas said and wrapped his arms around Dean and nuzzled his face into Dean's neck. Dean sighed and rubbed his hand up and down Cas' s back in comforting circles. They stayed like that for many minutes till the warmth and previous events caught up with them both. 

Dean woke up and immediately noticed he was in Cas' s room... with Cas snuggled next to him. Dean gently got out of bed and went into the living room where Sam was typing on his laptop. "How is he?" Sam asked looking up.

"I don't know hes still asleep." Dean answered putting his hands in his pockets.

"Well why don't you go eat breakfast and ill wake him up." Sam suggested.

"Yeah okay." Dean said before heading into the kitchen.

Sam waited ten minutes until he pushed open Cas' s door expecting him to be asleep. Instead he found Cas throwing paint on a canvas. "Uh Cas? "

"Its back!" Cas exclaimed adding red to the canvas. 

"Whats back?" Sam asked confused.

"My art its back!" Cas exclaimed happily and added more colors to the canvas.

"Ooooooookay?" Sam said and closed the door still trying to process that whole thing. 'Hopefully thats a good thing.' Sam thought and went to tell Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry for the angst but we will have some much needed fluff soon. 
> 
> On a personal note. I felt the need to include this chapter because I wanted to put some of my own personal feelings in it. I struggled with self harm for several months and I wanted to add this in because I was severely depressed, I cut a lot, and I lost over thirty pounds in two months. I was suicidal at one point and I read a destiel fic as crazy as this sounds about someone who cut that got better and lived a good life it made me consider that I had more to look forward to. I figured if they could save my life I want to contribute to. Its ridiculous to say fan fiction saved my life but it did and all of those people who get made fun of for reading it or writing it you very well could have saved a life too. I enjoyed writing this because I feel as though I said my part plus Cas got something I didnt. He had support from his Dean and Sam. No one knows I cut or was suicidal except you good people now. I went through cutting and depression on my own and I can safely say it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I haven't cut in two months and I eat regularly now. Also please never ever start cutting no matter how dark it looks it was surely the biggest mistake I made.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this story and maybe even listened to me drabble on up above. All of your kudos and comments make me so happy so thanks! ♡♡♡
> 
> Have a wonderful day! And I do in fact do art and I like to paint. I couldnt draw or paint through any of it. Now I like to draw or paint everyday!


	8. Truth or Dare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas, Dean, and Sam have fun in thr bunker.

"His what?" Dean asked raising an eyebrow hoping this wasn't some weird code name he didnt know about.

"His art." Sam said again.

"Well im going to go ask what in the world that means." Dean said heading towards Cas's room.

"Yeah go check on your big gay crush!" Sam said smugly.

Dean glared at him before standing in front of Cas' s room. He opened the door cautiously and found him doing exactly what Sam described. "Heya Cas."

"Hello Dean." 

"You feel better?" Dean asked.

"I feel glorious." Cas stated and added some more petals to the flowers.

Dean walked over and stood behind Cas looking over his shoulder at his artwork. 'Wow thats amazing.' Dean thought looking at the elegant brushstrokes. 

"Thanks Dean." Cas blushed and continued painting but with a light pink dusting his cheeks.

'Shit I said that out loud!' Dean thought mentally facepalming himself.

"Yeah you did." Cas snickered going back to painting.

'OMG I DID NOT EVEN.' Dean thought making sure it was actually in his head. 

"Hey Dean? "

"Yeah." Dean mumbled trying to regain himself after the previous mess. 

"Tomorrow I am working with my professor on my art but afterwards you and Sam can come eat with me on campus if you want?" Cas asked trying to do anything but think about how close Dean is.

"Yeah Cas I would love too and im sure Sam would be ecstatic." Dean replied feeling warm at the thought he wanted Sam and himself to see the campus.

"Well ill text you where im at when I get there sometimes we change rooms. Okay?" Cas asked sweetly.

"Yep sounds good." Dean said before going to leave. He looked back at Cas one more time before closing the door. Cas looks so gracious with the soft strokes of the brush mixed with his tattoos running up his arms and the pericing on his eyebrow. It was such a beautiful mix. It was like he was a cruel beauty a perfect contrast of dark looks and history mixed with his warm compassionate demeanor and caring heart. He loved watching him like this his eyes bursting with joy and you can see how much he loves what hes doing yet so concentrated. 

Dean smiled before closing the door and thanking whoever would listen that he finally had Cas back. When he opened his eyes that apparently were closed he saw a smug Sam mouthing the word big gay crush. Dean walked over and smacked him on the arm.

"Cas wants us to come to campus when hes done and get some food with him." Dean stated at Sam who was rubbing his arm.

"Yeah I'd love to go. "

 

After they had all finished dinner they settled in together on the couch for the first time in years. "Hey Cas do you want to play a game?" Dean asked.

"Sure what game?"

"I dont know Sammy any ideas?" 

"How about never have I ever?" Sam asked kindly.

Cas looked at Sam and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Right sorry." Sam said and scolded himself for being so stupid.

"How about truth or dare?" Cas suggested hoping he didnt hurt Sam's feelings.

"Sounds good to me. Sammy?" 

"Why not?" Sam said and he took the seat across Dean and Cas took the other seat so they sat in a circle. 

"Cas first!" Dean cried.

"Okay Sam... truth or dare?" Cas asked with a smile.

"Truth."

"So.... have you ever kissed a guy?" Cas asked with a smug look. Dean looked genuinely intrigued to what Sam would say and leaned forward.

"Yes." Sam whispered quietly.

"Who?" Dean cried.

"Whoa whoa next person." Sam said with a grin.

"Fine. Cas truth or dare?"

"Truth?" 

"Okay... so Cas what is one thing you want to do before you die?" Dean asked bringing a beer to his lips.

"Whoa um." Cas begun racking his brain. "I guess I would like to get married." Cas said satisfied with his answer.

Sam nodded his head approvingly and rubbing his hands before looking around the circle. "Dean truth or dare?" Sam asked in a dramatic deep voice.

"Dare cause you are all pansies. " Dean said with an air of confidence.

"I dare you to tell us the kinkiest thing you've ever done." Sam said trying to stifle his laughter, he hated hearing about Deans love life but he sure as hell would like some good black mail material.

"God!" Dean said running his hand down his face. "Well back in high school, there was this girl. And she made me wear her..."

"Spit it out!" Cas yelled taking another drink.

"Panties." Dean spat out quietly. Hiding behind his bottle. Sam started cackling and Cas just blushed furiously and took another drink. "Alright alright Cas you go!"

"Okay Sam truth or dare?" 

"Truth."

"Have you ever done drugs?" Cas asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"Once but that was by accident!" Sam yelled defending himself fiercely. 

"Got a bad boy." Cas said sending a wink at Sam who starting laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair.

"Okay okay." Sam said finally catching his breath. "Okay Dean you can go.

"Okay Cas truth or dare?" 

"Dare." 

"Tell me your most embarrassing story." 

"Wow hmmm." Cas said tapping his head in the stereotypical way. "Well I would have to say when I worked at this one club. I use to give lap dances and they made me where these skin tight short shorts. They were bright blue and sparkly and a client came back and it was this one man. He seemed nervous but I did it. And on my first day of class I went in, sat down and the teacher James Chester came out and it was him." Cas finished cringing at his own story. "I see him every day at school and I always think about that."

Sam and Dean started laughing and wheezing trying to gain there breath. Eventually Cas broke his scowl and joined in with the laughter.

Cas started to yawn and announced he was going to bed soon and that they should all play again sometime. He knew the Winchesters weren't touchy feely people so it made it all the more sweet when Cas hugged Sam and Dean and they both hugged back. Cas smiled at them both before going into his room and laying down looking forward to tomorrow. 

Dean and Sam remained in the living room and as soon as Cas closed his door Sam wiggled his eyebrows as Dean. "You hear that he wants to get married." Sam said with a smug grin.

"God Sammy we aren't even dating so stop planning our marriage!" Dean said acting more mad then he really was. Dean was still trying to get out the image of Cas in bright blue shorts. 

"Well im going to bed. Night Dean." 

"Ill go to. Night Sammy." Sam shot Dean a bitch face but he secretly liked the nickname but only when it was just them. Dean glanced at Cas' s room and smiled until he heard Sam cough. He looked over at Sam with a glare and Sam mouthed big gay crush before closing the door not allowing Dean to retort. 

Cas was finally his. Sam was here. No apocalypse is going on. Life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write all of these chapters on my phone so that is why the spelling is usually so terrible except I wrote this today in the car so I hope it wasn't too much worse then usual but I couldnt leave you guys without a new chapter! I might not be able to post monday but I will sure try as well as tomorrow but hopefully I can! Thanks so much to all the lovelies who read kudos comment bookmark subscribe.


	9. Clay Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a really long chapter to make up for not updating! Cas at school! Sorry for errors!

Cas woke up from his alarm clock bright and early. He turned it off and drug himself into the warm shower which stung for a while but after that it was pleasant. He slipped on a black v neck tee and gunmetal colored jeans. He put on his galaxy vans and went out the door with his backpack in hand and phone in the other. 

He walked to campus which took only 15 minutes or so and went to his first class. It wasn't his favorite class he had so he just thought about his project after school. He really wanted to make sure it was perfect. 

Dean and Sam woke up at what must have been 12 and practically rolled down to the kitchen for breakfast/lunch. "Dont forget we are gonna see Cas later." Sam reminded yawning and stretching.

"Oh yea. Cas said he would tell us what time."

"Okay cool." Sam said drinking his coffee. Sam was happy Cas had invited him. It was nice that Cas thought highly enough of the two of them to invite them so see what he loves to do and what he does. Sam smiled and drank more coffee.

Cas finally heard the bell and scrambled off to see his cermaic teacher Professor Thomas and Professor Chester. He pulled out his phone and told Sam and Dean to meet him in the ceramics room at 4. One hour later.

He dropped his bag on one the chairs and found his professor bent over his artwork studying it. "Hello professor Thomas." Cas said with a smile.

"Glad to see you. And hopefully this will be done today. Baked tomorrow and we can work on something new Wednesday?" The slightly old man asked with a warm and cozy smile that made Cas grin. Most people are too intimated by Cas to even talk with him sometimes but Thomas was always kind and unjudging. 

"Sounds great and do you mind that I am having a couple friends head over here in an hour to pick me up?" Cas asked nervously, he knew he wouldn't care but he will always ask.

"You know thats no problem." He said kindly. "Now lets wet this clay and finish her up." The professor said sitting the pot in front of Cas. 

Cas leaned over the project and studied it for a few moments before engraving more and more detail into the wings. His eyes focusing unwavering at anything. 

Dean and Sam looked at the clock and saw it was 4:45 and decided to start heading over to the campus. It only took five minutes to drive there but they also had to get into the correct building. They both drove there silently though they both looked rather happy with the whole occasion. They pulled into a parking lot labeled visitors and found a building marked ceramics and decided that was there sign and headed towards the building. 

They walked up to the front desk and found a cheeky elderly women. "May I help you?" 

"I have a friend Cas here I was supposed to meet? " Dean said, 'how was lady supposed to know where they were?'

"Down the hall to the left first door." She said with a smile.

"Okay." Dean said not questioning the good luck.

Sam and Dean turned down the hall and pushed open the first door.

Cas finished his pot with two wings wrapped around it. Cas smiled at it, it finally looked right. "Ill go put this to bake." The professor said with a grin. "It looks great too. It really came out well." He looked at his watch then back up at Cas. "Your friends will be here soon, I'll let the clerk know they are coming." He said and turned into the oven room.

"Thank you professor."

"No problem, and you can start cleaning up if there isn't anything else you want." 

"Okay." Cas said and pulled off his apron and threw it into the chair when the door opened. He looked up and found professor Chester.

"Hey Sparkles." The man greeted and walked over to Cas. The whole lap dance thing was never brought up except he would occasionally call him Sparkles just to make him laugh. Cas did laugh and shook his head at his professor. His professor knew quite a bit about his life so they were almost friends instead of teacher student.

"I finished. " Cas said excitedly, he couldn't wait for Dean to see it.

"Thats great Cas!" He said just as Professor Thomas came out empty handed. 

"All done." 

"Thank you." Cas said genuinely just as the door opened. Sam and Dean poked there heads through. "Come in." Cas said and went to stand over the sink pumping soap into his hands hoping it would loosen some of the clay on his hands. 

Sam and Dean came cautiously in and stood with the three of them. "Sorry im just cleaning up but this," Cas said pointing at the tall man about Cas's age, "is Professor Chester." Cas said with a slight blush both Sam and Dean noticed, mostly because they were looking for it. "This is Professor Thomas. " Cas said with a smile and turned on the water. 

"Nice to meet you." Both brothers said and shook their hands. 

"Professor Chester do you have anything stronger to get this clay off?" Cas asked hands still under the running water.

"Hmm." James Chester bent down under a sink and pulled out a small brush. "Here you go Sparkles." Chester said knowing that no one got the joke, but except Sam and Dean did and both immediately looked over to Cas who just chuckled and blushed. Dean shot Sam a 'what the hell?' Look but Sam just shrugged.

"Thanks." Cas said reaching for the brush.

"No let me, sometimes its hard to get off." The professor said and stood behind Cas and rubbed the brush up and down Cas' s hands till he was satisfied.

Cas dried his hands on the paper towels, he threw them in the trash when he felt professor Thomas come up next to him. "Dean, Sam, it only seems fair if you travel all this way you should at least get to see his work."

Cas' s eyes almost bugged out of his head at that, "no sir- i- i appreciate... the idea b-but um-"

"We would love to." Sam shouted over Cas' s objections . Dean agreed though he wasn't sure what to, considering he was still thinking about that James Chester guy. 

"Well Chester and I will show you his stuff its quite remarkable." The kind man said and went out the door with a smug Sam and Dean following behind with a stuttering Cas on their heels.

Thomas and Chester led them into a room with art work around the room. There were three cabinets in the room. "Cas is the only freshman whos work has made it in the top students room." They walked over to one of the cabinets and they both tried to startle their gasps. They were all brilliant paintings of swirls of color mixing, it doesn't sound exciting but they were magnificent. Some dominated with red some dominated with blue, they all looked like tiny galaxies packed together and swirled around. They were all the same except one. 

Everyone gravitated towards one canvas that wasn't huge but it showed a brilliant green orb with blue swirling around it with beams of yellow and pink coming from the inside with flames coming up around the orb but being protected by the wings. The orb was wrapped in black ink feathers with silver highlights with blue undertones. Everyone looked at everything from the wings to the tiny Cas in the corner. 'Wait.' Dean thought and looked over at the other works. 'Those are all signed Castiel why is this one signed Cas?'

"Cas these are amazing." Sam said and they all finally looked over to see a blushing Cas with his head down. "Like these are really good you could sell these!" 

"See Cas I told you, they were great." Professor Chester said getting a bit closer then considered professional. "Hey Cas will you come out in the hallway for a second.

"Yeah then we can go." Cas said to Dean and Sam be for going into the hallway. 

Dean was still staring at the art work trying to figure out why only one was signed Cas instead of Castiel. "Sammy?" 

"What?" Sam asked and bounced over to Dean with his floppy hair. 

"Why is this one signed Cas instead of Castiel like the others?" Dean asked pointing at the corner signature.

"I dont know, maybe he got lazy?" Sam said with his confused moose face.

"Hmm. Yea." Dean supplied still trying to figure it out when Cas came in but with a small piece of paper in his pocket poking out and James with a hand on his shoulder which Cas was staring at with what looked like unhappiness. 

He watched with hawk like precision as Cas leaned close to what almost looked like a kiss when he whispered something to James which made him chuckle and Cas smiled before walking over to Sam and Dean. Dean completely lost his train of thought after that whole incident so he just looked over at Sam who sent Dean a small apologetic look only Dean could recognize as being that. "Hey Cas, you ready to go?" Sam asked.

"Yep!" Cas answered cheerfully and Dean tried not to be sad with the fact yet another person had beat Dean to Cas and they lived together for Christ's sake!

They all sat at the diner eating in silence when Cas decided to break the tension. "Do you guys mind if I go out tonight?" Cas asked nervously. 

Sam glanced over at Dean seeking advice and Dean just swallowed down his hurt and put on his best fake smile. "Yeah Cas, just try not to be out too late."Dean said and even though he looked okay Sam could hear the crack in his voice. 

"Okay good, hes picking me up at eight. I dont know if I will be back tonight so dont worry." Cas added smiling. 

Dean felt as though he had been ripped apart and sewn back together again at Cas' s words. 

At seven forty eight Cas trotted over to Sam and Dean wearing a dark waistcoat with a dark blue tie and black slacks and spun around. "Do i look okay?" Cas asked innocently fluffing his hair.

Dean tried not to gawk at Cas's hipbones or his blue eyes complimented by the blue or his soft looking lips. "You look great Cas." Sam supplied and Dean just nodded along.

"Great." Cas replied letting out a breath and went into the kitchen. 

*cough* "big gay crush." Sam said looking around innocently. Dean glared at Sam with all his might when he remembered. 

"So Sam who is this guy you kissed?" Dean asked batting his eyelashes knowing he got his moose of a brother. 

Sam just gulped and moved to the other side of the room when Cas returned into the living room when he heard the door bell. Cas opened the door and smiled at James and told him to come in. The tall blond haired blue eyed man stepped inside with similar atire. "One second I have to get my phone." He told James and turned to leave when James caught his hand and pulled him close, close enough their noses were almost touching. 'Come on Cas you can do this. This isn't Jamie i can do this. Just don't have a panic attack.' James tilted his head and kissed Cas cheek befor letting go of his hand. 

'Okay okay see that wasn't terrible he didn't slap me or anything im fine.' Cas reassured himself and smiled at James before heading into his room and grabbing his phone off his counter. 

Dean felt jealously and anger flare up at the small innocent kiss on the cheek. "So where are you guys going?" Sam asked hoping Dean missed that. 

"There is a nice restaurant downtown. I am truly very excited to go with Cas, I mean anyone would be a fool to not be hes a very wonderful person." James said with a smile. 

Cas came over with his phone in one hand and stood next to James. "Well I got it." Cas said holding up his phone. 

"Well ill try and bring him back before noon." James said with a bit of humor before setting a hand on Cas' s waist pulling him against him. Cas shuddered and the man leaned in and whispered something in his ear before they went towards the exit and the mans hand strayed down closer to Cas' s butt. They heard the door close and instantly Dean's facade broke. 

"HOW did that creep get to date Cas but not me?" Dean asked with a good Robert De Niro face. 

"Because he asked." Sam shot back sharply before regretting what he said. 

Dean looked as though he was gonna scream before he just looked sad. "Youre right." Dean stated before heading into his room and closing the door. 

Cas and James drove back to his house from the dinner which was quite dreadful and into his house. They both collapsed onto the couch before they wore only their dress shirts and pants. "So Cas how are you holding up?" 

"Its hard im not gonna lie but I want to do this so much for Dean." Cas replied rubbing his face. 

"What part was the hardest?" James asked. 

"Probably when you kissed me on the cheek though the waist holding and stuff was hard." Cas replied blushing. 

"Well dont worry we have some more time tonight and then tomorrow morning to make sure your ready. Are you ready to try again?" James asked.

"Yeah." Cas replied taking a deep breath. James leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He swallowed down some of the turning in his stomach and nodded be for he felt another one on his cheek. 

"Better?" 

"Yes thats a bit better though its still hard." Cas replied embarrassed. 

"Well let me kiss you a bit more and then we can try your lips." He leaned forward and kissed both of his cheeks twice. "Better?"

"Yeah I think thats a bit better." Cas replied honestly. 

"You ready for me to kiss you on the lips? " 

"I think so but I understand if you want to back out I won't blame you." Cas replied blushing. 

"Hey you went to the dreadful conference dinner and I promised to help you get over your issues with intimacy for Dean. So no I won't back out." James replied kindly. "Are you ready?" Cas nodded silently and scooted closer. 

James leaned in and brushed his lips against Cas' s barely a second before pulling away. Cas started breathing hard and fast before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it and taking a long smoke from it before his breathing started to slow down. 

"Do it again." Cas said and braced himself. James barely graced Cas' s lips, Cas started breathing iratically again and was shaking before he smoked his cigarette again. "Sorry sorry." Cas mumbled at a concerned James.

"Hey hey hey its okay take your time go at a pace your comfortable with." James said sweetly. Dean better appreciate Cas considering this man is willing to throw himself into a panic attack multiple times just so he could kiss him. If not he is gonna go down there and give Dean a piece of his mind.

"Okay im fine. Go again." 

Dean woke up to the sun streaming on his face and he instantly shot out of bed and opened Cas' s door quietly. No Cas. He ran down into the living room. No Cas. He sighed and went into the kitchen where Sam sat.

After many many panic attacks, tears, and one accidental punch to James he could kiss without freaking out. It still was unnerving but it worked. "Im proud of you Cas and ill see you in Wednesdays class?" 

"Yep and thanks so much you dont know how much I appreciate it. " Cas said looking at the white wispy clouds in the sky. He hugged James, one of the few things that doesn't make him too unnerved anymore. James pulled away and Cas crept the door open silently hoping he didnt wake them up when he heard them.

"Dean im sorry."

"God Sam I dont know what to do! Im in love with Cas who will never love me! You saw how he looked at James!" Dean said and rubbed his eyes. 

"Dean?" Cas asked in almost a whimper and threw himself into Dean's arms in a run. Sam just got up and left before praying everything would work out alright. "You love me?" Cas sobbed his legs on either side of Dean with his head buried in his neck.

"God Cas I do." Dean said reveling in the feel of Cas hugging him with his face buried in his neck.

"I love you too Dean so much!" Cas said lifting his head to rub his cheek back and fourth against Deans. 

"What about James?" Dean asked pitifully. 

"Dean I went with him to dinner in return for him to help me get over my intimacy issues so I could do this." Cas whispered before ducking his head and kissing Dean on the mouth sweetly. It was an innocent kiss without tongue. Dean still marveled in how amazing it felt and rested his hands on Cas's hips stroking them in soothing circles.

For some reason the action felt so sweet and loving it made Cas kiss Dean again but with more passion. Cas slid his tongue in meeting Deans. At first Cas felt anxiety bubble but Dean was so gentle and considerate Cas eventually even started to enjoy it.

Dean tasted like coffee and mint toothpaste but Cas didn't care. It seemed so framiliar. Cas pulled away and opened his eyes, still sitting on Deans lap he stayed just barely far away enough from his lips they didnt touch. "I love you Dean."

"I love you Cas." Dean said softly and kissed Cas so sweetly on the lips he thought he was gonna explode from love then he kissed his jaw. Then his cheek. Then he placed feather soft kisses down his neck unto his shoulder and down his arms. He pulled Cas' s hand up and kissed his hand before kissing Cas on the lips again. "I love you so much Cas your so beautiful and perfect and I wouldn't trade you for the world and I promise I will never hurt you." Dean said to Cas refusing to break eye contact. 

Cas let a tear roll down his cheek before he nuzzled back into Deans arms. Cas always dreamed of it but the feeling of love surrounding him is better then he ever thought. 

After about five minutes they went into the living room and sat down. "You wanna tell Sam and maybe we can all listen to music and play games?" Cas asked.

"Yeah I think that sounds pretty fun." Dean said getting up to put a track on the record player. 

Cas went to Sam's room and knocked. Sam was sitting on his bed scrolling and looked up. "Hey Sam we gonna listen to music and stuff if you will come?" Cas asked. 

"Sure." Sam said and hopped off the bed and over to the living room where Journey was playing in the background. "Journey?"

"Shut up bitch." 

"Jerk." Sam called before wrapping him into a hug. 

"So are you two...?" Sam asked.

"Yep." They both answered at the same time. Sam grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"Be right back." Cas called and went into the kitchen.

"So what happened? " Sam asked when Cas was gone.

"Apparently he went to see James to help him get over his whole intimacy fear stuff so he could.. um kiss me." Dean answered quickly.

Dean was waiting for a big gay crush comment or something but instead Sam just fist pumped the air. "Yes!" 

Cas returned a second later with three glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

They all took drinks well into the night till everything became a warm fuzzy feeling. They all danced to Centerfold loudly and like idiots then heard Deans story of finding a whole pizza under Sams bed.

Cas was curled next to Dean and Dean had a protective arm wrapped around Cas while Sam was chilling in the chair across the couch.

"-So Einstein and Thomas Edison were arguing over Pluto while Mozart and Beethoven were having a dance off to the song Rasputin while Plato and Socrates argued if Lifesavers could save lives with their fruity flavor-" Cas begun.

'Today is a great day.' Dean thought as he watched Cas talk and Sam laugh hysterically. He had the two people he loved the most with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I havent posted yesterday or the day before I was visiting my sister at college! 
> 
> I had to include Journey (my favorite band) and Centerfold (my favorite song) by j geils band I believe... in here. If you haven't heard Centerfold I would listen to it because I just love that song XD. 
> 
> Any who thanks so much for reading as always and your comments, kudos, and bookmarks make my day! 
> 
> I hope you all like how this story is going and I am sorry for all the plot twists but I love them XD 
> 
> Thanks lovelies! ♡♡♡ if you want to chit chat with me im shipsmeanttosail on tumblr. Its mostly a destiel blog with a few other nerdy things. :3


	10. Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry this chapter turned out way sadder then I thought but I 100% guarantee that the next chapter is fluffy and cute and sweet!

It was there two year anniversary. Sam said he would leave and go stay with some hotel and gave Cas a thumbs up before heading over to Dean. Sam gave Dean a reassuring smile and patted him on the back before leaving Cas amd Dean alone standing in the living room with suits on positively beaming. 

Cas and Dean had been doing great together. At first Sam was worried Dean might ruin things with Cas but he never did. They would have their occasional fights over silly things but nothing that wasn't solved in under a day. Dean had booked a really nice Restaurant downtown three months in advance. Dean went into the kitchen and checked the ring in his pocket before walking over to Cas and talking his arm with his. "Ready baby?" 

"Yep." Cas replied and Dean was momentarily dazzled by Cas. He took out his piercings and didnt wear any makeup but the blue tie made his eyes look like an ocean. "What?"Cas asked at Dean who was still staring at him making Cas nervous.

"I just love you so much." Dean replied and kissed a feather light kiss on Cas's lips. No matter how hot the kisses got the soft ones were always Cas's favorite. They never had gotten as far as sex, mostly because Dean was worried about Cas, but Cas told himself he was ready tonight after their dinner. Dean didnt know but if all goes well at dinner they will have a great night with Sam out of the house.

Cas felt great, wonderful really. He hadn't cut since a relapse about a year ago and frankly he loves it. Dean is always so happy and Sam is always so proud and congratulates him. To be honest everything was great. Cas has two more years of college, hes not sure what he is gonna do yet but Dean supports him greatly though he has thought about teaching. 

Dean felt the weight in his pocket and looked in the mirror one more time before opening the door for Cas. He accepted it with a smile and they drove towards the restaurant. The light turned green and they pulled forward when Dean felt a sharp pain as his head hit the steering wheel as a car collided with them.

Cas walked away with a few cuts and bruises. Dean wasn't as lucky. Cas waited by Deans side for him to wake up. The doctor told him it could be months, the doctor continued talking but Cas couldnt hear him over his crying. Sam came over as soon as possible and hugged Cas as he wept clinging to Dean. 

Cas sat by his bed day and night for the first three days without any sleep. Cas regretted now more then ever that he couldnt just wake Dean up with his 'angel mojo". Sam came in and brought Cas a muffin when the doctor came with a small velvet box Sam eyed.

"They found this in his coat pocket. I thought you might want it." The doctor said and dropped it in Cas' s tear dried hands. The doctor left leaving Sam next to Cas who slowly opened the lip. Cas looked at the silver ring with two wings with a blue sapphire in the middle. Cas held the ring before breaking down in Sam's arms shaking. "He was gonna propose?" Cas asked barely understandable to a teary eyed Sam.

"He was gonna do it at dinner." Sam said quietly.

Cas nodded before wiping the streaming tears down his cheeks. "Do you mind if I wear it?" Cas asked with more tears welling up. 

"No Cas wear it. It would make Dean smile. You are a Winchester now." Sam said officially starting to cry as they both looked over at Deans near lifeless body. He would seem dead if not for the beeping on the monitor.

Cas slid it on his own finger which made him whimper a cry and looked at the ring on his finger trying to remind himself Dean was gonna wake up. Dean picked a perfect ring, and he might not be able to tell him that its so beautiful and special just like him. 

After a week or so of barely survivable amounts of sleeping and eating Sam made Cas come back home. Cas visited the hospital everyday and brought flowers once a week. He was never interrupted until the one month mark from the accident came. They sent some no name nurse in with an envelope.

Cas took it an opened it and gave a startled gasp as he read it. "TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS! ?" Cas asked to no one. He grabbed his chest as a million thoughts went through his head. Sam cant afford that, Cas can't afford that!

Cas went home with the letter and put it in his and Deans dresser drawer for Cas' s socks, and buried it under them. 'What am I gonna do?' Cas asked himself staring at the amount. 

Cas came out of his room and found Sam in the living room watching drabble on the tv. "Hey Cas have you gotten a bill for Dean?" 

"Umm... no I- I asked the doctor and he said its covered by the insurance." 

"Oh god thats good to hear I thought for sure we would be stuck with some ridiculous amount every month and we would have to sell the impala or something." Sam said with a grin while Cas nodded along trying not to show his worry.

Cas said goodbye to Sam before heading to college. His professors gave there apologies and wished Dean luck when he called off for a week but now Cas isn't sure he will see them again. Cas went to the finical office and canceled the rest of the year. He will get 400 back.

'At least its something.' Cas went down to his professors and told them goodbye and when they asked why he couldnt continue he told them that hospital bills were just too high. They all nodded sympathetically and wished him the best of luck. 

Cas took his paintings and 400 back to the bunker without Sam seeing luckily. Cas set his paintings under his bed and put the 400 in his pocket before heading down to the bank while Sam was still at the grocery store.

Cas went to the bank and with a small frown drew out the ten thousand for the next to years of college. 'I have been raped, beaten, and lost my virginity for this money. For this opportunity to do what I love, but now I need it for who I love.'

Cas brought the ten thousand back and set eight thousand in the with the bill.

Dean still hasn't woken. Its been five months. Ten thousand dollars is gone and Cas is losing hope. "Dean baby, I dont know if you can hear me but please wake up. I love you. I need you. Please Dean please I miss cuddling you, I miss kissing you, I miss your smile. And I never got to say yes. Im wearing the ring so please wake up so you can see my wearing it." Cas said with silent tears running down his face.

Cas left the hospital and went back to the bunker. Sam came home from the gym at the same time on Cas' s "class days" everytime and came over by Cas. "How was class today?" Sam asked kindly.

'Nonexistent.' "They went well." Cas said with a smile. Cas grabbed a canvas and paint and started working. 

He finished the painting several days later. He loaded it in his backpack along with some other small paintings and went down to the local shop called Painting Beauty. Cas went into the shop and found a ginger haired girl walking around. "Hello. How may I help you?"

"I was wondering if you would like to buy some paintings?" Cas asked with a small smile. He really needed another two thousand soon. 

"Okay. We can take a look." 

Cas pulled out the twenty or so paintings and set them on the huge counter. "Wow." The lady said. 

"How much for all of them?" The lady asked with a grin.

"Umm eight?" Cas asked optimistically. 'God maybe if im lucky I can get eight hundred and then I can make some more to sell to get the rest.

"Deal. Eight thousand." The lady said and shook his hand. Cas shakes her hand numbly as he tried to process what the hell just happened. 

"Eight...thousand?" Cas asked again trying to make sure he heard right?

"Yes unless thats a problem?"

"No. No! Thats great!" Cas said feeling like he was going to cry. 

"Well im gonna go to the safe and get your money." The lady said cheerfully and went into the back room.

Once the lady was safely gone Cas jumped up and down flapping his arms not even ashamed who saw. He got enough for four more months from twenty paintings! 

Cas sold paintings regularly until he had over fifty thousand dollars. Cas kept all the money tucked in a safe box under his bed and refused to spend a single dime of it on anything other then Dean's bills. 

Sam remained oblivious to the bills but he did notice when he came home and found a moose painting sitting on his bed with Cas' s signature in the corner. He smiled at the painting before hanging it over his bed. 

Sam found Cas in the living room flipping through channels. "Thanks Cas." Sam said and hugged Cas. Sam and Dean were never too physical contact loving people but during all of they have been through Sam and Cas had grown closer. 

 

It had been a year. A whole year. "Dean please wake up. Please." Cas sobbed holding Deans hand to his heart. "Please please please wake up. Im dieing. Im not complete anymore. Sam is getting more and more hopeless. Please come back to me. I want to kiss you and marry you and adopt a kid with you. Please Dean. Please." Cas sobbed and laid his head on Deans chest.

Cas went into the room as usual. Almost two years have gone by. Two years of sleeping in the bed alone. Two years of not seeing his smile. Two years of not kissing him in the morning. Two years of feelimg lost. He set down the red roses into the jar and took his usual spot next to Dean's. He entertwined their fingers like normal. Cas looked down at his ring and smiled. At least he had a to be husband that loved him. Cas looked lovingly at Dean when he felt felt something twitch in his hand. Cas looked down in an instant and saw his finger move. "Dean?" Cas asked almost disbelieving. 

Slowly Dean opened his eyes and tried to focus on the hand on his instead of the bright lights. "Cas?" Dean asked in an even more gravelly tone then usual.

"Dean im here." Cas answered squeezing his hand tighter. 

"What happened." 

"We got in a car accident on our two year anniversary and you have been in a coma for almost two years." Cas said quietly. "We can talk more later but I have to get the doctor."

The doctor came with Cas and Cas immediately went back to his seat next to Dean after calling Sam.

"Well Mr Winchester you are pretty much safe to go after another night for observation. You are gonna have a lot to catch up to im sure." The doctor said before leaving to give them some space.

Cas handed Dean a glass of water which he quickly drank before looking up at Cas's eyes. "Cas?" Dean asked brokenly. 

"God Dean I missed you so much. So much Dean I love you so much." Cas said and rested his sobbing face in Dean's neck.

"God Cas I love you so much." Dean said rubbing circles in Cas' s back. When Cas lifted his head Dean studied his face. His eyes looked slightly duller, covered in almost a gray mask, he had a few more wrinkles but he still had the soft plush looking lips. 

"Dean I have waiting newly two years to tell you yes." Cas said smiling.

"Yes to what?" Dean asked confused.

Cas lifted their entwined hands and turned it so Dean could see the ring. 

"Really?" Dean asked excitedly. 

"God Yes Dean I can't imagine not marrying you!" Cas said before leaning in and kissing Dean softly on the lips. 

Sam knocked on the door before coming in and interrupting them shyly before standing by Dean. "Ill give you two some time." Cas said kissing Dean on the cheek hugging him before going into the waiting room. 

Sam hugged Dean tightly before pulling away and wiping tears. "Dean we have both missed you so much and I swear to God if you ever end up here again." Sam said rubbing his hand on his cheek when a knock came on the door and a nurse came in. She apologized for interrupting before coming next to Dean. "Here is your bill statement for review if you need it. " she said before exiting. 

Sam leaned forward next to Dean as he opening the three folded paper. Dean read down the page stating that this is the most recent version yada yada yada. "Okay here we go." 

Sam leaning forward and read a bit ahead of Dean. "What!?" Sam said loudly before Dean gave a startled gasp.

"What the hell!?" Dean asked looking at Sam. "You paid TWENTY THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS! SAM HOW DID YOU PAY FOR THIS? OMG TELL ME YOU DIDNT MAKE ANY DEALS!" 

"DEAN!" Sam said interrupting his rant.

"What?" Dean asked frustrated.

"Um.... I didnt pay that." Sam said quietly.

"How did you not pay for it. It says right there that a Mr Winchester paid for it."

"No seriously I dont know why it says that. Cas said the insurance paid for it." 

"Nurse?" Dean called and a small women came in.

"Yes?"

"Hi I was just wondering who paid for this?"

"Well he had blue eyes. Brown hair. Um he had a wedding ring with wings on it. Does that help?" The lady asked sincerely.

Dean gasped at the women. "Can you do me a favor and bring that man to me. Hes in the waiting room."

"Yes no problem." The lady said before leaving.

"Sam... how did he pay for twenty three thousands dollars worth of bills off?" Dean asked nervously.

"Umm I dont know."

"You dont think?" Dean asked nervously.

"I dont think Cas would do that to you and hes at the bunker most of the time."

Cas knocked lightly before sitting down across from Dean and Sam. "So Cas Sam said the insurance paid for it all."

"Yeah they paid for it all." Cas said with a smile.

"Cas."

"Yes?"

"We know the insurance didnt pay for it." 

Cas gulped.

"How did you pay for it?" Dean asked sadly.

"Well..." Caa started refusing to look Dean in the eyes. "I... dropped out of college and used the money to pay. . . And when I ran out I sold some paintings downtown." 

"Cas." Dean said sadly. 'Cas had loved his art classes. He was gonna be an art teacher. All gone for him.' 

"Dean dont cry." Cas said and wiped the tears he didnt know he was shedding.

"Cas you gave up your dreams? " Dean said brokenly.

"Well no. My dream isn't complete without you and yes at first I couldn't go back to college if I wanted but um something happened. The women who buys my painting love them and I have about 100 thousand dollars saved." Cas said a little bit proudly.

"What!?" Sam shouted not meaning to interrupt.

"Sorry I didnt tell you Sam but I wouldn't spend any of it in case Dean needed it. But now that Deans okay you all are welcome to it you have all done so much for me you and Dean are welcome to as much as you like."

"Cas." Dean said entwining their fingers. "I am so proud of you and I love you so much." Dean said before leaning forward and kissing Cas gently. "We are gonna open up an art gallery just for you. We are gonna get married. And I will always love you and support you." 

"I love you too Dean." Cas whispered and kissed Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry again for the angst but I promise next chapter is happy! Sorry for spelling errors and such! Next chapter might take two days so sorry if it does. Thanks so much for reading and following along and please tell me what you think and I hope im not boring anyone or anything. . .


	11. Going back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean one year dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this au gabe is alive after the angels fell they all managed to get back up to heaven except Cas because his grace was used.

Dean and Cas had been dating for almost a year and frankly, it was amazing. Dean was happier and less on edge. Cas didn't go through any dark phases and his classes were going great. Sam and Cas went for morning runs occasionally and geeked out over weird texts and people. 

Cas even started teaching Sam about some stuff from his classes which Sam actually enjoyed. Dean loved waking up in Dean and Cas' s shared bed, strictly for sleeping and feeling Cas brush kissed against his face before telling him good morning. Though as much as he loved that he also loved coming downstairs to find Sam and Cas sweaty from their jog arguing about who was the best philosopher. 

Today was one of those mornings. He treaded into the kitchen and kissed Cas' s head before getting a cup of coffee looking at the calender. Two days. He had two days till he had been dating Cas for a year. Dean could hardly believe his eyes yet he did feel as though Cas and him were dating much much longer. Truly the only difference is they get to kiss and snuggle though Dean wouldn't admit they snuggled instead of before. 

Dean still hadn't found the perfect gift for Cas. What do you get for the most perfect person on Earth? Dean had asked Sam which led to no good answers and he can't really type what to buy your boyfriend fallen angel into Google. Cas had picked where they were going though it is apparently a surprise.

Dean sat down and listened while Cas insisted that Plato loved cats and refused to let Cas pet them while Sam stared at Cas like that was the strangest thing he heard which may have been accurate. "So he actually did this in heaven?" Sam asked confused. 

"Very much so. But then I just went into my own and made some cats after Plato was so rude." Cas said shrugging.

"So we all do get our own personal heaven?" Dean asked suddenly intrigued.

"Yes we do." Cas said with a smile.

"So whats yours like Cas?" Sam asked.

"Well lets just say its personal." Cas said blushing and looking at the table.

"Okay." Dean said unsure what to do and sent Sam a questioning eyebrow. 

 

Tonight was their anniversary. Their one year anniversary. Dean was with Cas a whole year. A whole year. Dean was so nervous he thought he could die. 

Cas told Dean to wear something casual but nice. Dean came out the bedroom and found Cas. He picked a pair of nicer jeans with a tee and plaid over layer. 

Cas looked out the window nervously. 'All the angels are back in heaven but me. Well except for tonight.' Cas looked over at Dean and smiled.

They went outside hand in hand. "So Cas where are we going?" Dean asked nervously.

"Well Dean where we are going is also part of your gift." Cas explained and pulled out a feather with engravings on it. Cas smiled at Dean before mumbling enochian and the feather went up in flames before drifting to the ground. Just before Dean could ask what was going on Gabriel appeared. 

"Hey lil bro." Gabe said clapping Cas on the back. 

"I would like you to escort me to the my section and then bring Sam after our departure. But only show him the public section" Cas said firmly.

"Okay Cas, Dean lets go." Gabe said and teleported Cas and Dean into a field.

"Uh Cas? Where are we?" Dean asked confused looking at the swaying grass.

"My gift to you Dean is I am showing you my heaven as well as the personal section." Cas said with a smile.

"Really?" 

"Yep. Gabriel granted me one feather to burn to summon him. And well I think this is the perfect way to do it." 

"Cas this is so sweet and my gift is gonna look like crap." Dean said worried.

"Dean you being here is enough. Now lets go." Cas took Deans hand and made them run towards a big white house in the distance. When they got there Dean was surprisingly not out of breath 'must be the heaven air.' and reached for the door when Cas stopped him.

"Dean you need to realize everything you will encounter is real. All the plants died on Earth and are used here. All the people died on Earth and are here are their real selves except in their most perfect form. Anything that person died with is real here everything thing they didnt is not able to be brought to Earth." Cas said firmly before pushing the door open. 

Dean was confused by what Cas said but quickly realized when he found his mom and dad sitting at the table. Dean ran forward and hugged his mom who kissed the top of his head and said she loved him. Dean turned to John expecting a handshake and a good to see you son but instead he got up and hugged him. 

"Now come on Dean introduce us to your boyfriend." Mary teased and enveloped Cas in a hug. 

"Um this is Castiel." 

"Why hello Cas I am so happy Dean has found someone you know I was starting to worry but ever since you showed up he was smitten."

"How did you know? " Dean asked. 

"Well of course John and I are keeping an eye on our boys." Mary said and fluffed Deans hair.

"Well come on boys take a seat while I check on the pie." 

"Dean." John said making Dean remember his dad was there. "I may not have been a great father but my biggest regret is never telling you I loved you. I let my greif blind me and im sorry. But now I have her and well I was wrong" John said firmly before Mary returned with a piece of pie for Dean and Cas. Dean ate the pie while still trying to figure out what John had said.

"So honey tell me about everything."

"Well this is my and Cas' s first anniversary and well everything is honestly amazing." 

They all talked around the table and laughed for hours. They told funny stories about Dean and Sam as babies he didnt know and about their first date and so on until Cas told Dean they had to go. John pulled Cas aside to 'talk to him' and Mary told Dean to follow her. 

He followed her into what looked like her bedroom and she pulled open a small box. Mary turned around and handed Dean the gold band with a blue sapphire in the middle. "Now Dean you listen, that Cas is perfect and dont you dare let him walk away." She said with a smile before kissing him on the cheek and hugging him. 

They both went outside to hear the ending of the "if you ever hurt him." Speech. 

Just as it ended Gabriel appeared and waved at Mary and John before heading over to Dean. Mary and John said they loved him before Gabriel poofed them into a different house. Dean still smiling from his dad saying he loved him now took time to study the room. There were three cats on a couch with a huge book case across from it with what looked like a bedroom next to the living room with canvases everywhere.

"Cas?"Dean asked and looked at all the photos on the walls of Dean and Cas. "What is this?" Dean said turning to see a blushing Cas.

"This Dean is the other section of my heaven. My own personal bit. The other was their for you and Sam as well as me but this is mine."

Dean nodded before looking at the photos. There was one of Cas and Dean kissing. One of Dean Sam and him all laughing. Then there were ones of John, Mary, Sam, Dean, Gabriel, Anna, Bobby, Garth, Charlie, Jo, and Ellen all smiling together. Dean started crying and kissed Cas softly on the lips before hugging him tightly. "Cas is this really your heaven?"

"Nothing sounds more amazing then us all being together happily."Cas said with a blush.

"I agree but hopefully I can be enough for you know." Dean said.

"Dean I love you so much and you will always be enough for me. "

"We have to go soon Dean but Sam will be coming up soon to talk to your parents as well." 

"Okay." Dean said and took Cas' s hand.

They went outside and Gabriel appeared again and let Dean get a last look before transferring them all back home. They went back into the house that is empty now that Sam is talking to his parents and sat down.

"Cas wait here." Dean said before trotting to his room. He came back downstairs with a box in his hands.

Cas slowly unwrapped it and took off the lid. He gasped ans raised the big picture of Dean and Cas on the couch together snuggling and kissing.

"Dean." Cas said simply.

"I know its not amazing." Dean said feeling guilty its not better after Cas' s gift.

"This is perfect." Cas said before kissing him sweetly on the lips.

Cas carried the picture in one hand and Deans hand with the other and went to their bedroom. Cas set down the picture across the table so he could see it every morning, and climbed into bed with Dean and rested his head on his slowly rising chest. He mumbled an I love you before drifting off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry this took so long to make but I have been extremely busy! I will always update till its done but it may start taking one two or threes days per chapter instead of just one day. 
> 
> Next chapter will be a flashback to before the accident. The chapter after that will be a flashback before Dean wakes up and then we will be in the present. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and sticking with it! This chapter isn't exactly exciting but I wanted a feel good chapter in here!


	12. Sapphires in the center

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the accident domestic fluff.

3 months before the two year anniversary

 

Dean had gone into the small jewelry store and gotten the sapphire removed. It looked so small in the little clear envelope they stuck it in. The gold band, he melted and sold though it was difficult to part with one of the few things he had of his mothers. Cas deserved unique though, he deserved perfect and precious and thoughtful. He walked out with the small gem in his pocket and love in his heart. He had looked around the small white lit room lined with counters but couldnt find a ring that was deserving to be worn on his angels fingers. 'Wow I sound sappy.' Dean thought with half unhappiness and half happiness that he loved someone enough he could be sappy.

Dean walked to the next store with a smile and pulled open the glass doors to be immediately questioned by several men and women with suits on. Dean told the men and women and though they showed him several nice bands but none of them spoke "the love of my life who deserves the whole universe and more and has gone through so much but pulled though and is beautiful and artistic and amazing." 

Dean with an apologetic smile waved goodbye and left the store empty handed. It was getting late and he knew Cas would be home with groceries soon and went back. 

Sam was on the couch watching some documentary when Dean came in. "Did you find one?" 

"No I can't find one that says Cas." Dean said with a huff and flopped down on the couch. 

"Well what type of ring are you looking for?" Sam asked looking at Dean.

"I dont know but it has to be perfect I mean Cas deserves the best of the best and I intend to give it to him." Dean said with determination in his voice.

"You two are so cute do you know that?" Sam said with a smug grin at Dean's blushing.

"Sam." Dean said with a glare.

"What!? I am just saying that honestly, I think its cute." Sam said putting his hands up in defense. 

Dean just glared and put his feet up when Cas opened the door with groceries on his arms. "Need some help babe?" Dean asked from the couch.

"Nope I got it, I am gonna do a new recipe so you two just sit down and relax." Cas said and unloaded the groceries into the fridge and cupboard and and read the recipe again.

Sam looked at Dean again and smiled. "You two are so frickin cute im gonna die." 

"I know." Dean said before trotting out into the kitchen where Cas was looking down at the recipe.

"I told you to relax." Cas said faking anger.

"Not without a kiss." Dean said and wrapped a hand around his waist and pulled him close so their foreheads rested against each others and they could feel each others breath. 

"Aren't we a romantic?" Cas asked before brushing his lips against Deans. 

Dean pulled away and looked at Cas' s face. "Always." Dean said before kissing him lightly on the lips. He pulled away but remained holding Cas just studying his face. 'I am so lucky.' Dean thought thinking about where he used to be and where he was now. 

"I love you so unbelievably much." Dean said in a low whisper.

"I love you too Dean and there won't be a day I won't." Cas said resting his head on Deans shoulder. "Now let me make us some food because I am starving." Cas said kissing Dean on the side of his face.

"Okay okay im going. Will there be pie?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Perhaps." Cas answered with a grin.

Dean left and sat next to Sam floating on cloud nine.

Cas cooked the pasta exactly like the instructions said and while it heated on the stovetop he baked the apple pie with crumble on top. He had asked Mary for the recipe when Dean was busy. 

He took the pasta off the heat and popped his head out of the kitchen to tell the brothers food was done. They both bolted to the door as though there were monsters chasing them. They didnt hunt very often anymore unless specifically asked by a friend and that usually only lasted a day or two but they usually were paid a lot since they had the most knowledge on hard to gank monsters. 

Cas brought over two bowls of pasta and a piece of garlic bread with small plates for the bread. Sam and Dean both mumbled thanks before digging into the pasta with obscene moans. They were used to fast food and spaghetti all the time that Cas' s new found love of cooking was greatly appreciated. Cas had his fair share of burt pasta and bread on fire to get to this point. 

Cas sat down and ate with them and had a piece of the bread himself and thought it was one of his better batches. 

Just when everyone had finished a timer on the oven bleeped which caused a confused Dean and Sam. Cas smiled smugly before pulling out the warm gooey apple pie and setting it on the pot holders on the table. Dean's eyes about bugged out of his head and Sam even looked a little dazed by it. "Is this moms recipe?" Dean asked confused. 

"Um I may have asked for the recipe I hope you don't mind." Cas said sheepishly. 

"No I dont mind this is frickin awesome!" Dean said with a smile.

"Yeah Cas this looks amazing." 

The brothers and the ex angel managed to finish off the whole pie even though they all looked a little green except Dean who aksed if there was more.

Dean had visited over thirty shops and he had only a month until he wanted to propose. He went into another no name store and was just about to leave when he saw a ring with wings on it. He looked at the ring with hopeful eyes and called over the suited man and sake to see it. He held it under the light and knew it was perfect. He bought it told the nice man that he wanted his sapphire in the center. The people sent him off with a date to pick it up and a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be a bit angsty. Thanks so much for reading and I hope I am not boring anybody! And sorry for spelling errors!


	13. Gray films

It had been a little over a year. Cas sat on the bed spinning the ring around and around on his finger. The ring really was perfect the sapphire was beautiful it must have been expensive and the band was so exquisite and heartfelt. Cas wished he could have heard Dean propose, it would have been his favorite memories Cas knows for sure.

Cas finally found the strength to get off the bed and trudge down into the kitchen. The whole house felt and looked gray today. He felt the framiliar cloud of depression looming over him. He could feel it pulling him down deeper and deeper. Everyday he visited the hospital with hope only to have it crushed into oblivion every time.

Sam had his elbows on the table staring off into the distant with a gray film over his eyes. He had always imagined that they would be separated by some mad spirit or an upset werewolf not a car driven by a drunk man. It isn't fair. Dean could never wake up and if he didnt in the next four years they would have to end it. Nothing seemed more scary to Cas or Sam then the idea of being the one to nod to the doctors that they had said goodbye.

Cas sat next to Sam wordlessly and thought of the life Dean and him were going to have. 'No we are going to have.' Cas thought trying to wipe away the negative thoughts though they still nagged at him. Sam was going to tell Dean he was going to college again and get his law degree finally. Sam decided not to go anymore after the accident, he couldnt bring himself able to focus. Sam thought Cas was strong because he was still going to school and getting good grades at least that was what Cas told him.

Sam said he was cool with not going but Cas could see the way he looking at the commercials on tv for college and see the pain in his eyes.

Cas didnt mention college and Sam didnt mention the days when Cas would have red nail marks in his hands. They didnt leave scars permanently or bleed like cuts and sometimes Cas just had to do something. Sam would see the nail marks some nights and just hug Cas without a word and play a game with him or something. 

Tonight was one of those nights. They had both finished dinner, Cas had showered and sat on the couch in a ball of blankets while Sam showered. Cas just looked around in thought while the water was running. 

Cas saw the picture on the wall of Dean and him kissing. It brought a smile to his face before a tear slipped down his cheek unnoticed. Cas felt the tear drop on his hand and dug his nails into his hand. Cas did it several times not even noticing when Sam came out of the shower. 

He did whoever notice when Sam wrapped his arms around Cas and smiled lightly. "Come on Cas lets play scrabble. " Sam said dragging Cas and his blanket up and into the kitchen to sit at the table while Sam got up and grabbed the game and set it on the table.

"You first Cas." Sam said and Cas did. 

They alternated back and fourth until little to no space was left and it was dark out. 

"Thanks for everything Sam."

"Hey no problem Cas your family and my best friend." Cas said with a smile putting away the board.

"Thanks Sam." 

"And Cas I think we should do this more often it was... fun." Sam said putting away the letters.

"Yeah." Cas agreed getting up from the table with Sam. They put the board away and hugged each other. 

"Hang in there dont worry Dean is gonna wake up." Cas said even though he didnt really even believe himself.

"You too and Cas no matter what happens you have me. We can do this but only if we do it together." Sam said before parting ways with Cas.

Cas went into the bedroom and when he remembered the razors hidden he didnt want to grab them so much. Cas fell asleep dreaming of Dean and his adopted child with uncle Sam hanging out together giggling and laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moi tumblr if you want to talk about personal or non personal things. Also if you want to give advice or ideas you are welcome to.
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shipsmeanttosail
> 
> This chapter is short but would be stupid to post it tomorrow. Anyway the next chapter will be after the accident and we can continue the story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and any and all feedback is welcome and recommended! ☺ ♡♡♡


	14. Not Captain America

Things were going well once again. They had informed Dean of recent events even though he protested that he wasn't captain america.

Dean humored Sam and Cas though and learned that not much really had changed in two years. 

"Really I mean two years and the only difference is gas is higher." Dean grumbled walking into the bunker after buying gas.

"Oh stop your grumbling." Cas said with a sigh and kissed Dean quickly before placing his hands on Deans chest and looking at him.

"Cas?"

"Yes Dean?" 

"I was wondering when you want to get married I mean I know we haven't talked much and everything is a bit crazy but I love you Cas and if you dont want to I get it and-" Dean babbled until Cas stopped him.

"Dean I think picking a day for the wedding is a great idea." 

"Really Cas?" 

"Of course Dean I love you more then you will ever know and you know I want to marry you." Cas whispered before leaning and kissing Dean so sweetly and full of innocence. 

"Now im sorry babe but Sam is gonna get out of his classes soon and I want him to have a good meal when he gets home and we can tell him about our plans for the week." Cas said smiling. He was so proud of Sam for going to finish college. Sam was so excited last night he was practically bouncing in his seat.

Cas had snuck out of bed extra early to catch Sam before be left. "Sam?" Cas had whispered in the early light. 

"Cas? What are you doing up?" Sam asked confused.

"I couldnt let you leave without congratulating you. I am so proud of you Sam and you are gonna do great." Cas said hugging Sam. They had all learned to really appreciate these moments, the Winchesters were always very anti touchy feely emotional type but after they have all been through they learned to love these moments.

"Thanks Cas."

"And Dean is so happy you are finally going to get to live your dream." Cas said smiling.

"Thanks for letting me know Cas and for uh coming down that... that means a lot." Sam said before waving at Cas and heading over to the college nearby. 

Cas watched Sam leave before slipping into his bed and curling around the warm Dean who instantly wrapped his arms around Cas' s waist pulling him closer and nuzzling his head into his neck.

When Cas awoke the second time it was to Dean softly kissing his neck, his jaw, and then pressing his lips lightly to Cas' s.

Cas mumbled a good morning before opening his eyes and kissing Dean, weaving his hand through the short hair. 

"Get up baby." Dean said sweetly nudging Cas towards the edge of the bed.

"Why? Cant we stay here for a while." Cas asked with a frown.

"I would love to you know that, but I have a surprise for you." 

"Okay okay." Cas said before kissing Dean on the lips undressing and going into the bathroom.

Dean waited for the sound of water before getting up and changing into a pair of black slacks with a tee shirt and plaid over top. He wanted to look at least fairly decent. 

Cas came out wrapped in a towel and looked Dean up and down. "Wow Dean you look hot." Cas said.

"You too but you will have to wear more then that, I thought since we missed our two year anniversary as well as third and fourth is coming up so we should still celebrate them." Dean said going to Cas' s closet and picking him out similarly nice clothes. 

"Dean that... thats-" Cas tried to finish but couldnt find the words. 

"So today is our two year. Then Wednesday is our third year and Friday is our actual fourth year so it all corresponds." Dean said proudly. He had taken a lot of time to figure everything out. "You are currently wearing the gift for this times. But I dont have any other gifts or events prepared and I thought we can take turns picking the place and I left a day between them all for planning or shopping." Dean said holding Cas's wet hand.

"Dean baby that's so sweet and wonderful and well I did have a gift for you on our second year anniversary but I think I will give it to you later." Cas said before kissing Dean on the lips. Dean hadn't known Cas was going to have sex with him that night and since they were going to get married soon Cas thought it would be cute and romantic to wait until their wedding night.

"Well put this on baby and we can head out to dinner." Dean said handing Cas the clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READINGS AND KUDOS AND COMMENTS AND BOOKMARKS!
> 
> NEXT TIME WITH DEAN AND CAS
> 
> so the next chapter is there date before talking with Sam about his classes. Then the next chapters will be there other anniversary events! Also It will be longer then the past few they have been kinda short.


	15. Broken Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is WAY more angsty and sadder then I thought or planned I am so sorry!

They were seated in the back of the restaurant mostly due to the fact Dean hadn't made a reservation, which made him blush and look embarrassed but Cas was just happy Dean was taking him. Not to mention Cas doesn't really like attention all that much. 

The brunette sat them down at their candlelit table and handed them their menus. When the waiter came Dean ordered for both of them like a gentlemen plus he knew what Cas would order. The man had collected their menus and left.

"How did you know thats what I wanted?" Cas questioned holding Dean's hand.

"Because I love you and you dont change your order much." Dean said affectionately trying to hold back the snark and sarcasm.

"Okay yes I dont change much but you love it." Cas said.

"You know I do." Dean said raising Cas' s hands to his lips and kissing them softly. "So babe any idea what we are gonna do Wednesday?" Dean asked rubbing his hand affectionately over Cas' s hand.

"Maybe." Cas said with a smirk.

"Fine I won't ruin the surprise." Dean said kissing Cas quickly on the lips. 

"Like you could pry it out of me." Cas said sarcastically and took a sip from his glass. 

Cas discussed with Dean about options on dessert Cas could make or buy Sam. "So no on the giant pie?"

"Cas you know I am the only person on Earth who would enjoy a giant pie." Dean said with a smirk.

"You know thats true, fine I will make you a giant pie for your birthday but what should I make Sam?"

"I dunno make the nerd a cake or something." Dean suggested with a shrug.

"Well what is his favorite type of cake? " Cas questioned.

"I think the lil weirdo likes vanilla with vanilla." Dean said cringing.

"Oh vanilla isn't that bad." Cas said rolling his eyes.

"You know its the most evil kind I mean come on its so bland I want to cry!" Dean said firmly.

"Well I will make a vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and if I can make one you like you have to buy me a bouquet of flower." Cas said with a smirk.

"Ill take that deal and if I win you have to give me a back rub." Dean said with a grin.

"Okay." Cas said with a smile and sealed it with a kiss.

The waiter arrived with their food and Cas and Dean ate it all in record time, to be fair there wasnt a whole lot. 

The waiter arrived back and asked if they would like dessert and Dean asked for a piece of cake for them to share.

Cas and Dean ate the cake together and they both tried to hold in their moans in.

They left the restaurant with full stomachs and smiles on their faces. Dean stopped and put gas in the impala while grumbling about the price the whole time which Cas found endearing and annoying at the same time.

After washing away Dean's worry that he didnt want to discuss the wedding Cas went into the kitchen. Cas cut up the chicken and vegetables and put them in the pot on low and got out a large silver bowl.

He measured out flour into the bowl with the other various ingredients as accurately as possible, the last thing he needed was for it to not bake properly.

Cas added his secret ingredient and poured the cake batter into the pan and stuck it in the heated oven.

He whipped up a vanilla frosting that might have had a little bit end up in his hair and flour on his face. The oven beeped at Cas until he opened the door and set the hot cake unto the counter.

Cas looked at the clock and saw he had about half and hour until Sam came home so he ran into his room and threw his clothes and stepped into the shower not waiting for it to warm.

He washed himself in record time and got dressed before running through the living room past Dean yelling "Run Forest run!" At him and into the kitchen.

Cas frosted the mostly cooled cake and even stuck a candle in the center. 

Just as Cas had set the cake on the table Sam came through the door. "Hey Dean, Cas." Sam called pushing the door open.

"Happy college day!" Cas yelled and attacked Sam in a crushing hug. Sam jolted back a bit with shock but hugged Cas back. 

When Cas had finally let go Dean came over and hugged Sam which he greatly appreciated. "Im proud of you Sammy." Dean said before pulling away.

"Now come on I have dinner and cake ready. Dean and I ate but we both have room for some cake I think." Cas said dragging them into the kitchen sitting them down.

Sam took the food and ate it down hugrily while Cas cut three big pieces of cake. He plopped them unto plates, grabbed there forks and managed to carry them to the table.

He handed Dean a piece with a smile and watched with hawk like vision as he sniffed the bite of cake and raised it to his lips. Dean chewed, swallowed, and then looked at Cas' s questioning gaze. "Holy shit!" Dean exclaimed caused Sam to look up from his food. "This is amazing!" Dean said before shoveling more cake in his mouth so his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. 

Sam wanting to know what the big deal was downed his dinner and took a bite of the fluffy cake. "HOW IS IT SO GOOD! ITS LIKE BITING INTO A CLOUD!?" Sam asked moaning while eating the cake. 

"I dont even like vanilla cake but damn thats good." Dean said with his mouth full.

"I may have experimented in one of my clients houses one night. He was a famous chef and he had all the ingredients." Cas said blushing. Cas almost chuckled at the fact he didn't even really think about those days much. This was the first time he had thought about it in a long time.

Cas smiled fondly at the two brothers exclaiming back and fourth to each other who its not possible for cake to be so good and Cas stored this memory away. It was just so cute Cas thought and finslly brought some of the cake to his own lips. 'I do make a good cake.' Cas thought.

"Sam I almost forgot, Dean and I are gonna pick a wedding date and I wondered if you had any ideas?" Cas asked trying not to die from the happiness that sentence brought him. 'Dean, Dean my husband, Dean the man I will marry who will never hurt me.' 

"You could do it in August, thats only three months away and it will be a nice summer wedding." Sam suggested.

"What do you think Dean?" Cas questioned trying not to stare too creepily into Dean's eyes. He had dropped the staring habit but its started to come back because he realized its so he could stare at Dean.

"What about September have a fall wedding?" Dean said with a nonchalant tone though Cas could see the excitement in Dean's eyes on the idea of a fall wedding. Cas had always wanted a winter but Dean deserved the wedding he wants. 

"That sounds great." Cas said. "Any day in mind?" 

"How about the seventh because it was the first number that came in my head?" Dean asked with a shrug.

"Why not. September the 7th it is." Cas said making it official and kissed Dean lightly on the lips before taking Deans plate into the kitchen, setting another piece of cake on it and bringing it back out which earning Cas a "you are too frickin amazing." 

"Thanks babe but that's all you get." 

"Fine." Dean said sadly. "So do you know what we are doing Wednesday?" 

"I do actually though I have to go shopping tomorrow." 

"Yeah me too I need to find you some gifts." Dean said pulling Cas down for another sweet kiss.

Cas had his gift for today behind his back and Dean had his. They had gone shopping all day yesterday at the mall. Cas finally revealed the black leather jacket and handed it to Dean. Cas revealed his gift to Cas, a bouquet of flowers and a book. Cas would think the flowers romantic if it wasn't a result of the bet but Cas still thought they were cute. 

Cas held the book in his hand and rubbed the spine that read T S Eliot and then pulled Dean in for a soft kiss. Cas had picked a small park that was empty and brought a wedding planning notebook. Money was not much of an issue since Cas had started selling painting to the store so Dean and Cas sat under the tree picking out flowers and what type of cake while stopping frequently to lean in and kiss each other softly. 

Friday was their four year anniversary and Cas was excited. Cas had painted Dean a picture of them on the couch together and he was actually quite proud of it. Dean had gotten it earlier in the morning and kissed Cas sweetly on the lips holding his face and murmured to Cas how much he loved him. Cas blushed and Dean told Cas how he would get his present at the event and that Sam was coming which Cas found slightly strange. 

They all gathered in the impala and they stopped outside of a small plaza. Dean unlocked the door and ignored Cas's nagging and excited questions and finally managed to push the door open. "This Cas is your art gallery." Dean said with his hand wrapped on Cas' s side.

"What?" Cas asked with bug eyes.

"I signed the lease and paid the first month, this is yours." Dean said handing Cas the keys reveling in his star struck face.

"Dean." Cas said and flung his arms around Dean and hugged him.

"Sam helped me with the buisness aspect." Dean said slightly embarrassed.

Cas turned and hugged Sam thanking him too. 

"So Cas what are you going to call it?" Sam asked smiling looking around the bare room.

"I dont know yet." Cas said honestly.

Cas and Dean moved around each other in the kitchen so effortlessly. They were somehow able to move in perfect time managing to not disrupt the other persons movements.

Sam just watched with a smile. It was so sweet to see a domestic Dean. "Dean I have to go to the grocery store. Ill be back in a bit. Bye Dean. Bye Sam." Cas waved and left with a smile.

"Well I gotta go study Dean." Sam said leaving to go down to the study room.

Dean got up from the empty room and went outside to check on the impala. He went outside and popped up the hood when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Probably Sam annoying him to tell him his plans with Cas. "What?" Dean asked inspecting the engine.

"Why hello Dean." Crowley said.

"What the!? Crowley?" Dean asked unbelieving.

"Well you see Dean i need you to do something and if not there are gonna be problems." Crowley said crowding Dean's space not even bothering to be sly.

"Okay whats up?"

"Well you see Dean its simple, angels are rioting in heaven. The angels want Cas. I thought I would at least give you a chance to say goodbye." Crowley said making a frowny face.

"Crowley you are mad there is not a single thing you could do to make me leave Cas." Dean said with fire in his eyes. 

"Dean you dont have an option. Cas will return back to heaven. I have retrieved his grace from Metatron and he will return." Crowley said smiling at Dean.

"Crowley there is no way you will take Cas." Dean said about to sac Crowley in his smug face.

"Who says I have to take him? Cas can have his grace back, his life. Why would Cas choose you?" Crowley asked with a pitying look.

Dean just gaped at Crowley then swallowed. "Because Cas loves me."

"Sure Dean. But dont come crying to me when Cas comes home with a bottle of grace and packs his bags." 

 

Cas went out into the parking lot with bags and made his way back to the bunker when Crowley appeared. "Hello Cassie." 

"Crowley what do you want?" Cas asked with no hint of joy in his voice. 

"I have your grace Cas. You can return to heaven. I heard they missed you." Crowley said spinning the white glowing bottle in his fingers. "Here Cas just take this. If you use it I know your answer." Crowley said and left Cas holding the bottle of grace and a grocery bag. 

Cas held the bottle in his hands for minutes before pocketing it an walking back. 'Do I even want to be an angel again? I have Dean. We are gonna get married. I want to sleep with him, again with him.' Cas thought. He knew right then he wasn't going to use the grace. 'I should give my bottle of grace to Dean to let him know that he is never going to leave Dean.'

Cas opened the door with a smile and found Dean sitting in the living room head in his hands. "Dean um I have something I need to tell you." Cas said stepping into the room.

"Cas." Dean said looking at Cas with red rimmed eyes. Dean took a big drink from a glass of whiskey and stood up and went over to Cas. 'Of course Cas is going.'

"Dean like I said I um have some news. And have you been drinking?" He spells like a whiskey factory Cas thought.

"Just go Cas I can't take it." Dean said with a broken voice. 

"What?" Cas asked confused and worried.

"Go on Cas tell me how you are gonna leave to go to heaven." Dean yelled before pushing past Cas and towards the door.

"Dean!?" Cas yelled trying to stop him. 'This is going all wrong.' Cas thought trying desperately to stop Dean.

"Just dont Cas!" Dean yelled and looked at Cas blocking the door.

"Cas get out of my way!" Dean yelled and shoved Cas out of the door.

Cas ran after him and grabbed Dean's jacket. "IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN!" Cas yelled.

"Cas you know what I am done!" Dean yelled swaying slightly on his drunken legs and ripped Cas off of his arm and threw him to the ground.

Cas with eyes wide with fear looked up at Dean from the ground. "Dean?" Cas asked with tears in his eyes. Deans emotions dulled with whiskey didnt even register how much of a line Dean had crossed by throwing him to the ground. 

"Dont Cas. You know what I dont need you anyway." Dean yelled leaving a crying Cas on the ground. 'I knew Cas would leave me.' Dean thought and stumbled towards the bar even though he was already fairly drunk.

 

Cas stumbled back to the bunker skaking legs with tears streaming down his face with blood on his hands from where Cas tried to catch himself. He opened the door and saw Sam turn the corner expecting a much different scene.

Sam immediately rushed over and grabbed the quivering Cas and sat him on the couch. "What happened Cas?" Sam asked in a panic.

"I got my grace back and I tried to tell Dean I didnt need it but he wouldn't listen and went to the bar. I got in his way and he threw me to the ground. " Cas stuttered. 

"God im gonna kill him Cas im sorry im so sorry." Sam said and hugged Cas when he noticed the blood on his hands. "Did he do that?" Sam asked scared for the answer.

"Its not his fault I got in his way and I tried to catch myself. I deserved it." Cas said crying.

"No Cas! You didnt deserve this and dont ever. Ever! Let Dean hurt you. " Sam said staring Cas straight in the eyes. 

"When do you think he will be back?" Cas asked still crying. He needed to explain himself to Dean. Cas loves Dean more then anything. 

"He will be home soon probably when his anger wears off, and Cas if Dean ever hits you, you let me know okay?" 

"Yes Sam, and you know I love you and Dean very much right?" Cas asked looking up at the sad moose.

"Of course Cas and we both love you." Sam said kindly holding the slightly less skaking Cas.

"Thanks Sam."

"Cas you have to do something for me." Sam said very seriously.

"Anything Sam." Cas said just as seriously.

"Play a game of Scrabble with me?" Sam said with a smile.

Cas looked up and grinned at Sam. Ever since him and Sam starting playing Scrabble the game brought comfort.

They played until it was one in the morning. Sam could see Cas's joy drop with every hour and they needed to go to bed. "Hey Cas lets go to bed. Why dont you sleep in your old room and clear your head?" Sam suggested.

"Yeah." Cas agreed and hugged Sam before he brushed his teeth and crawled into his own bed alone, he had never felt so truly lonely before. 

Cas woke up with salty tears dried on his face and he felt groggy. He rolled over and saw it was only three. His throat burned every time he breathed and went to get a drink of water when he heard shuffling in Deans room. Cas was going to ignore it and wait to talk to Dean in the morning once his sure to be drunkenness was gone when he heard a moan and the bed frame hitting the wall.

Fear struck Cas in the heart. 'No. No. It cant be. No Dean is just trying to settle in. Dean loves me.' Cas took a deep shuddering breath for the first time in a long time feeling the framiliar pull of a panic attack. 'Its okay Dean isn't in there with someone. You are freaking out for no reason.' Cas heard another moan and set his hand on the doorknob. 'Just open the door so you can see Dean is alone and go to bed.' 

Cas took another deep breath before shoving the door open. Cas felt the life, joy, and love drain out of body. He couldnt even process what was happening. A pale blond women half naked was laying over top of Dean kissing him. Cas started shuddering all over and he pointed at the door. "GET THE HELL OUT WHOEVER YOU ARE AND DONT DARE COME BACK!" Cas boomed into the room at the terrified blond women who scuttled out of the room and out of the house. 

Cas could hear Sam come out of his room but couldn't find himself to care. "Dean?" Cas asked brokenly.

"What?" Dean asked unfazed.

"Dean please, please give me a reason to stay." Cas said with tears running down his face. Cas could hear Sam in the doorway struggling to not interject and only watch without interruption.

"No Cas just go." Dean yelled standing up from the bed.

"No Dean." Cas said firmly moving towards Dean. "You love me. Your just drunk we can talk in the morning? " Cas asked his voice wavering. 

"No Cas I dont love you and we won't talk in the morning." Dean slurred drunk.

Cas sucked in a breath, he felt as though he couldnt breathe, all of the air gone."PLEASE... you dont mean that." Cas said feeling his hands shaking. He knew Sam was in the doorway unsure what he could do except watch it play out.

"Yeah Cas I do, so just go." Dean said stumbling over his words.

"Please Dean." Cas said going up to Dean trying to rest a hand on him.

"No go!" Dean yelled and hit Cas across the face.

Cas recoiled with fear and shock. He doesn't remember much, too focused on his thoughts. He remembers Sam pulling Cas away. Cas remembers pushing Sam away and running into his room. And somehow here he is with bags packed. 40,000 dollars in cash in a bank account with the debit card in his hands and standing in a hotel room alone. So very alone. So scared. So upset. So broken.

Cas flopped down on the bed and cried himself to sleep.

Sam was furious. Cas had left in under an hour against his pleas. He will never forget the hollow look in Cas' s eyes as he looked in Sam's eyes and took off the ring. The ring with the sapphire in the center and set it down on the table without a word. 

Sam slammed Deans door and went into his own bed. "Can this be fixed?" Sam said to no one and didnt even know Cas was thinking the same thing in a hotel on the other side of the city.

Dean woke up with a pounding in his head and looked around Cas and his bedroom. Cas. Wait Cas. Cas! Dean thought freaking out frantically trying to recall the events. 

'HOLY SHIT I PUSHED CAS. I CAME INTO OUR SHARED BEDROOM WITH ANOTHER WOMEN. I slapped him. OH GOD. I. I. I told him I didnt love him." Dean recalled feeling tears stream down his face. "What have I done what have i done what have I done?" Dean chanted into the empty room weeping. 'I have to go tell Cas I love him and apologize. I have to change this.' Dean told himself before standing in front of Cas' s door. 

Dean knocked twice with no answer before he opened it. "Cas I-" Dean began before he saw an empty room with only a ring on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was probably two million errors and I am so sorry! 
> 
> I hope you like this and im sorry for timeline issues and or plot holes. Sorry. 
> 
> It might take a while to update again might be up to five days im sorry! 
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading I love every last one of you!


	16. Painted Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans regret.

"Sam!" Dean yelled even though he had the hangover of the century. His voice echoed back in his ears.

"What!?" Sam asked bitterly still very pissed at Dean. He didnt even really want to talk to Dean right now, but he was still his brother no matter how stupid he is.

"I know I messed up a lot! But I love Cas so much and I want to marry him and please where is he at?" Dean practically begged with new tears forming in his eyes.

"Dean, I dont know where hes at. And just let me say that if you ever do find him, I hope you find some way to fix this. Cas has forgiven you for a lot of stupid shit but this is even too much for me." Sam said half pissed and half sad at and for Dean. He knows he loves Cas and Sam knows Cas loves Dean but did Dean mess up one too many times? "I mean what even happened. I find Cas bloody, sobbing, saying he was gonna give his grace or something to you. Then the whole episode last night?" Sam asked.

"Wait... Cas was gonna give his grace to me?" Dean asked letting the little facade he had left fall, and he held his face and let some tears fall.

"Yeah he said something about giving it to you and choosing you and some stuff." Sam said trying not to look at Dean's broken expression.

Dean just nodded his head and started weeping while Sam held him. 'Should I tell him?' Sam asked himself. Cas had asked him to not tell Dean but he just seems so broken. But he loves Cas he can't betray him like that.

"Im sorry Dean." Sam said with more meaning in his words then Dean thought. Dean had finally found Cas, they were happy, but he blew it and now Cas has left. Dean can't really blame anyone but himself really.

Cas had woken up and changed into a pair of jeans and a tee shirt before heading out and down the street carrying all of his luggage and several canvases.

He found the small studio Dean had rented for him and left the key in the room before closing the door behind him. Cas looked at the small studio and sighed, 'two days ago I was planning the wedding with my future husband, I had a studio, I had so much. Now I have an ex fiance, that hit me, said he didnt love me, and one friend.'

Cas kept walking even though he had tears and went to the phone store. With a sad smile he changed his number and didn't even look at the twenty messages from Dean and Sam he deleted them, even though he nearly opened then several times. The pale nerdy Verizon worker gave Cas back his phone and he took it and looked at his new number. 'Sam knows im leaving, should I say goodbye?' Cas questioned before remembering that he would then have to see Dean.

Cas called a taxi, it arrived a few minutes later screeching on the road. "Where to?" The gruff driver asked with a rolled down window looking Cas up and down inspecting him. 

"Can you take me to the nearest airport?" Cas asked with sadness and pain laced through his voice.

"Sure." He replied before taking off down the road. Cas watched from the back window as he left the small town. 'If you would have told me I would be leaving Dean after finally having him I would have said you were crazy, here I am leaving behind any and all of my life.' Cas thought with a shudder. 

Cas boarded the plane and took first class because well he had enough money too and frankly he wasn't in the mood to deal eith screaming children. One of the flight attendants asked if he wanted anything and he shook his head. He bent down and opened his carry on bag. He pulled out the T S Eliot book and flipped to his favorite poem that is now causing such a pain in his chest as he recalled it. 

"Hey Cas will you read it to me?" Dean asked snuggled next to Cas reading his gift from Dean the moons light streaming in on their shared bed lighting up Dean's face making him look beautiful.

"Sure." Cas answered shyly before flipping to his favorite, "The Love song of J Alfred Prufrock....Let us go then, you and I,

When the evening is spread out against the sky

Like a patient etherized upon a table;

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,

The muttering retreats

Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:

Streets that follow like a tedious argument

Of insidious intent

To lead you to an overwhelming question ...

Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”

Let us go and make our visit." Cas began and read while Dean snuggled into his side and Dean kissed Cas lightly on his lips as he read quietly.

It quickly became a routine before bed for Cas to read his poems while Dean listened intrigued. But no matter how many he read Dean always loved Prufrock the most. Their late night readings were amazing and some of his favorite memories.

Cas ran his hand up the page of Prufrock lovingly before he realized he was crying. A flight attendant came over with an apologetic look and handed him a Kleenex without asking what was wrong, probably thinking it rude to pry. 

Cas wiped his eyes and read the poem over and over again till he drifted off into sleep knowing he had long ago had it memorized. He awoke when the plane landed thumping to a halt, Cas collected his bag before trotting off the plane feeling disoriented.

He went to baggage check and found his stuff though it had to come around several times first. He hauled it over his shoulder before heading to the line of taxis waiting for people knowing they would need a ride. He climbed in and told the taxi where to go.

Cas had researched all about New York before settling on a small street on the outskirts of the city. It was close enough there were a lot of shops but you weren't in the heart of the city so also everything was slightly busy and slightly cheaper. After a quiet car ride they arrived at the spot.

He pulled out some cash and paid the smoking man before taking his baggage with him. Cas opened the glass door with a small bell on the door and was greeted with a red haired women wearing a fitted suit. "How may I help you today?" She said sternly but with a smile.

"I was interested in the studio down the street actually. The 1006 Belair road one." Cas asked hoping he had remembered the address correctly. 'Well that would be embarrassing.' Cas thought really hoping it was right.

"Awww yes. So would you like to purchase it, rent it?" She said.

"I would like to rent it." Cas said nervously.

"Okay well if you will follow me we can work out the details." 

Cas had left with a lease in one hand and keys in his pocket. He carried his luggage down the street to 1006 and stuck the key in. He took a deep breath before he pushed the door open and inspected his new home. It was a completely white room; it had a small upstairs with two bedrooms and a kitchen and living room with a huge room downstairs completely open. It was gonna be perfect for his buisness. Not only did he have a shop but also he could live here. He could make his own hours and it is gonna be perfect. 'Well as perfect as it can be without Dean.'

Cas couldn't paint the walls but he was allowed to put nail holes which was good considering he needed to hang his art. He didn't mind the white, it made it feel modern. He knew he had a lot to do today, he needs to open his new gallery soon because the place isnt exactly cheap and he needs the money.

'Food or nails and hammer first?' Cas questioned before deciding maybe they would have both and walked to a grocery store which was surprisingly close. He purchased quite a bit of food and several packs of nails along with two different sizes hammers. He checked out and brought it all back to his shop swinging the bag back and fourth.

He immediately laid all of his canvases on the huge white floor and looked at them. He decided where he wanted which ones and started pounding nails into the wall and hanging artwork after artwork. Thought he did almost get his fingers a large amount of time nearly missing them. 

After over an hour and at least fourty pieces on the walls Cas collapsed on the cold floor in exhaust. He looked around the room feeling proud for his great accomplishment when he felt sadness sweep over him, he was so extremely proud but no one was here to share it with him. He wanted to have Dean wrap his arms around him and kiss him, whisper in his ear how happy and proud he was. There wasn't anyone.

Cas shook his head hoping to clear the negative thoughts. He realized quickly he needed a fresh start. A clean slate. A blank canvas. (Lol art humor)

Dean had been in a depression for the whole month. He stopped eating, sleeping, he didnt drink though, it was how this all happened so he refused to even touch alcohol. Cas had told Sam he was leaving, Cas had contacted Sam once since then and that was yesterday. He called him from a pay phone which Sam found weird but he said he was doing great and not to worry. "Are you doing okay Cas?" Sam asked even though Cas had just said so.

"Yeah Sam, I got to go." Cas said quickly ending the short call leaving Sam confused.

Dean drug himself in the doorway from outside, he washed his hands from the oil and grease from the car he had been working on. Dean didn't even say anything to Sam he just waved and went up to his bedroom to probably moop more.

Dean closed the door and picked up his laptop instantly. He typed in the search box Castiel Winchester. 'No results.' "What?" Dean asked to no one. How was he not in government records. "Okay maybe he changed it to Novak after..." Dean trailed off saying to no one. He typed in Castiel Novak and hit enter. Nothing.

Dean sighed and closed the laptop lid before pulling his hair softly and sobbing. 'I am never going to find Cas. I have lost the love of my life because I was too stupid to just listen to him. And I will never find him.' Dean thought covering his eyes with his hands. 

Sam could hear the pitiful sobs coming from Deans room. Honestly if he knew were Cas was he would tell Dean because he can't bear it any longer hearing him cry night after night. He wished Cas would call again so he could ask where he was. Sam couldnt even remain mad at Dean when he was in such a pitiful state.

Prufrock's art gallery had opened, most of the room had his art work and the cash register while he left the rest of the room open and he kept his canvases and paint there. He kept a small barrier between the sections so Brandon his cashier could give him offers or requests from customers. Besides that he didnt like to come out much and no one really saw the mysterious artist behind the paintings.

He had his name legally changed too and honestly it made him happy, it reminded him of what he has gone through to get there and who is important to him. 

Cas sold each large painting for 300, each medium for 150, and each small for 75. He sold usually two to three smalls each day, two mediums, and one or two large each day. 

Cas even hired a tall, blond haired, green eyed man to run his shop(Brandon) while he painted. When he wasn't painting he was putting down prices. Honestly he was having a wonderful time, he loved his gallery and Cas was quite proud of it. He would be lying though to say that he didnt still cry at night or occasionally not paint one day because he couldnt bring himself to even lift a brush. 

 

Sam didnt know what to do. Dean was still in the dumps. It was almost Christmas and frankly he was running out of ideas he had only one left and it was a little ridiculous even for him. Then again at least he had the whole month of December off. 

"Hey Dean." Sam called as he walked into the kitchen.

"Hey." Dean answered smally looking at the wood on the table as if it held the secrets to life. 

"Okay thats it! We are going to New York." Sam said yelling at the slumped over Dean. There was that big christmas tree in New York plus there was a much of museums he was dying to see. Maybe it could pull Dean out of this rut!

"Wow thats quite an idea." Dean said sarcastically. 

"NO DEAN IT ISNT AN IDEA IM TELLING YOU." Sam said running a hand through his hair. "We will leave tomorrow. Have enough stuff packed for a week." Sam said pointing a finger at Dean and glaring at him. "I mean it."

Dean watched in shock as Sam left leaving Dean confused and unsure what was going on. 'When did the moose get so bossy.'

Sam and Dean had rented a small hotel outside of New York so it wasn't as nearly as expensive as the heart of the city which both the brothers appreciated considering it was quite expensive to even come. 

"Dean!" 

"What?"

"We need to go to the store." Sam said rounding the corner to find Dean flipping through the news apparently some Prufrock dude was having a magazine signing. Dean threw the news paper on the bed before grabbing his black leather jacket and heading out the door behind his moose of a brother. 

They walked down the street in the chilled air when they ran into what must have been Prufrock's gallery surrounded by media and people getting a magazine signed. "Whats this?" Sam asked looking at the gallery sign.

"I read about it in the newspaper, apparently this dude is signing his magazines for free and giving a speech or something along with a new series or something." Dean said trying to recall the article he had read barely.

"Wait? Did you say Prufrock?" Sam asked suddenly more interested. 

"Yeah." 

"I love his artwork! I didnt know his gallery was here. Apparently this guy has never showed his face. People everywhere will finally know the face behind the artwork!" Sam said practically bouncing. "We have to go!" Sam asked looking at Dean with puppy eyes. 'Damn his cute puppy eyes.'

"Come on then." Dean said before plowing through the media and into the plain white gallery. They opened the door and were swallowed by the huge crowd. They made their way over to a corner where they could actually see and grabbed a magazine from the corner with one of his pieces on the cover. He had to admit this guy was talented, his work had a haunting quality. 

"He's unveiling his new series today." Sam said happily.

Dean was about to say something when a man about Dean's age walked out and everyone started screaming until he started talking. "Whoa whoa! " the man called to the crowd. "No I am not Prufrock. Sorry! However he has decided to reveal himself for this special signing and revealing of his new series as well as a small speech. Give a warm welcome to the incredible, amazing, Castiel Prufrock!" The man screaming before gesturing to the big red curtain that split the gallery in two. 

Dean felt his heart stop as he saw a framiliar head of hair. None other then Cas came out of the curtains wearing a blue button up with fitted black slacks that if he was being honest made him look great. Camera lights flashed and the crowd cheered so loudly it was deafening. Cautiously Cas took the Mic from the blond man and stood on the wooden pedestal in the middle front of the room. "Um hello." Cas said quietly and the crowd roared. "Wow, um thank you for coming out today. Well first, I'm Castiel Prufrock, um I haven't done any appearances as you all know, honestly I never imagined in a million years I would be famous enough to have a signing. Let alone a magazine cover. I will be revealing my new series today, but before that I will answer questions and sign covers. And well... I think thats it so questions?" Cas asked trying not to squint from the cameras blinding flashes.

Almost all the hands shot up except Sam and Dean who both had equal looks of shock. "Yes." Cas said pointing at a young blond haired women.

"Um hello. First I love all of your work. Secondly I wanted to know if you are single?" She asked a little to flirtatiously for it to be for a magazine.

Dean swallowed hard as the room quieted in anticipation for Cas' s answer. "Well first thank you and second,... I am not currently involved though I still ah.... have feelings for someone." Cas said with a faint blush painting his cheeks.

"Yes."

"Yes so, what is your inspiration?" A well dressed man with a tape recorder asked. 

"Well I would have to say it was two people actually. Um they were everything to me, they are in the inspiration in everything. The sad part is they will never know." Cas said getting progressively quieter as he finished. "Um yes in the front."

"Hello, big fan, anyway I was wondering what is your favorite color?" 

"Definitely green." Cas said with a smile. "Yes?" Cas said pointing at a brown haired women.

"What is your favorite book." 

"Well my favorite book is a book of poems by T S Eliot which was given to me by a very great man." Cas said with a smile as the brown haired women nodded in understanding. 

The blond haired man leaned in and whispered something in his ear. "So I am sorry to cut this short but apparently there has been a change in the schuele and I will be unveiling my new series before the signing." Cas said with a grin before taking the Mic and walking over to the wall with several sheets covering it.

"Well before I reveal these I wanted to um thank Brandon over there who set this all up." Cas said wrapping an arm around the blond man who smiled before kissing Cas on the cheek which caused Dean to tense and grab Sam's arm at a painful clutch. But Sam didnt say anything he just felt bad for Dean and kept his eyes on Cas as he continued. 

"So this whole series was inspired by two works in my earlier days. Which I will show you now." Cas pulled off a smaller sheet revealing the painting Sam and Dean had seen all those years ago with the small Cas signature in the bottom with swirling colors. Dean and Sam gasped at the same time though it was lost in the crowd. "This is my uh... interpretation of someone I loved very dearlys soul. I call this one Dean and this one-" Cas said ripping off another small sheet. "Is one entitled Sam." Cas said with a small smile. Dean could feel Sam tense up next to him, when he looked up at Sam he saw tears welling up.

"And without further delay, I will present to you my newest series titled Regret." Cas said and pulled off the largest white sheet revealing about 20 or so large paintings. Each one was a different pair of colored wings with letters on each feather, enochian no doubt. Dean wished more then anything he could read enochian right now, looking up at Sam's face he realized he probably wished he had too. He had to admit the wings were done in such painstaking detail it was amazing. Not only was each wing done to a fine detail but also each wing was wrapped in a similar pattern as Dean and Sam but they were mixes of different colors looping around the wings.

Everyone unknowingly leaned closer towards the art admiring the fine strokes. "So if you all want to form a line I will sign copies and such." Cas said awkwardly looking over at the blond man who nodded to make sure he had done alright.

Cas sat down at a small table with a sharpie and quickly all the people man a line. "Dean? What are we gonna do?" Sam asked still in awe of the art and the fact Cas had made a piece, of his soul and also he realized Cas could see him if they didnt move.

"We should wait till everyone leaves. Wait at the end of the line." Dean said even though it had a hint of a question in it.

"Sure. Lets go." Sam said and made his way out the door, parting the crowd with his moose height.

"You okay Dean?" Sam asked once they stood at the back. 

"Yeah just great." Dean answered with sarcasm and glared at Sam and watched as women came out with signed copies with "Castiel Prufrock's real signature!" And blushes on their faces.

The line slowly inched forward and media slowly started to leave until they were at least inside the gallery. Dean watched tapping his foot nervously as women after women and man after man got his signature, give a flirty wink, and stuff a small number into his hand which Cas would put in his pocket. "Come on there had to have been at least fifty numbers!" Dean said looking at Sam with a bitch face evens Sam's would have a hard time mastering.

"Dean, you heard what Cas said so shut up and wait." Sam said but smiled at the end to show he supported Dean.

Finally Dean stood in front of Cas, and his first thought may have been 'holy shit Cas looks hot.' And his second being 'holy shit!'

Dean sat the magazine under Cas' s gaze on the table. Cas unaware of who it was didnt even look up. "Do you want me to address it to anyone?" Cas asked.

"Dean and Sam." Dean said bracing himself for his reaction.

Cas swirled his pen up and down forming the swooping letters including his new last name Prufrock when he slowed down slowly as he neared the end at a terribly slow pace. Eventually his pen stopped and he slowly lifted his head as if terrified as green met blue. "Sam, Dean?" 

"Hey Cas." Dean said in front of Sam who waved with a moose face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So here is the newest chapter! Im sorry for the spelling/ grammer errors as always! Also as always thanks for reading, giving kudos, bookmarks, and comments. I always live hearing what you think and hopefully you liked this chapter. ♡♡♡


	17. Dinner and Paintings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and dean talk

Dean slowly made his way around the table and grabbed ahold of Cas and hugged him. Sam watched guiltfully as Dean squished Cas and buried his head in his neck. "Dont leave me Cas." Dean mumbled into Cas's neck.

Cas was slightly tense under Dean's arms but eventually he wrapped his arms equally tight around Dean and rubbed Deans back soothingly. "Dean." Cas said not sure what to say.

"Please please please forgive me." Dean mumbled not letting go of Cas.

"Dean." Cas tried again not sure what it even really meant but it was the only word that would come out.

"Please im sorry im so sorry I love you so much and I want to marry you and shower you in gifts and adopt a kid with you and tell you every day I love you because its true and you are so amazing and please dont make me go." Dean begged into Cas' s neck that had tears running down it from Dean's eyes.

Cas didnt say anything this time he just ran his hand through Dean's hair petting the soft strands as Dean continued. "Please Cas I love you so much. You have to believe me I love you so so much and I can't bear to have you leave again. I couldnt take it. Please Cas. Please." Dean begged with his voice breaking as Sam watched unsure what he wanted to happen.

Finally Cas pried Dean off of him, Dean looked destroyed by the action. His eyes drooped and his shoulders went down. His whole face looked more gray. Cas seeing this debated with himself for a moment before leaning forward and kissing Dean on the cheek. Cas nor Dean said anything but Dean got the message and his mouth lifted into a small smile.

Cas nodded at Dean before walking over to Sam and wrapping his arms around him. They let go after a few moments and no one wanted to break the ice thin silence over the room. "Well dont be strangers you can come look around." Cas said with a hint of humor and pulled open the room barrier and revealed the other half of the room, surrounded in paint and canvases along with stairs to an upstairs. "Go ahead, im just gonna close up." Cas said and smiled before walking over to the door with his nice shoes clicking the whole way. 

Sam looked at Dean cautiously before they moved forward slowly like something was gonna attack them. Sam went ahead of Dean and looked at some of the drying pictures. Cas came back from locking the store and stood next to them looking at a pair of fire red wings with enochian on each feather.

"Man Cas I had been looking at your art online for months and I never knew it was you? I mean to be fair these are your first wing pictures but still. Thats pretty weird." Sam said trying to defuse the tension.

"Hmm that is rather peculiar. " Cas said sounding very much like the angel they used to know. 

Dean and Sam both looked at him weirdly probably thinking the same thing but Cas didnt even seem to notice. Dean studied Cas slowly. He had looked at Cas quite a lot but now he was more studying him. He had taken his brow piercing out, his shirt sleeves were slightly rolled up revealing just a hint of the roses and lightning running down his arms. His eyes looked bright and cheerful. They were full of color and life twinkling with emotions.

"Cas what exactly do um the feathers all mean on the um... two pieces earlier." Dean asked wondering if he should pry. 

"Well come on." Cas called and walked swiftly to the two paintings.

They followed him over to the artwork and watched with interest as Cas took them off of the wall and flipped them over. Both of the painting had words on the side that Dean couldnt read that far away. Cas handed on to both Sam and Dean before leaving. "Excuse me but I am starving so I am gonna cook dinner if you would like some?"

"Yeah Cas." Sam said before Cas left the room and went up the steps.

Sam and Dean both looked down at the words on the back of the canvas written in Cas' s neat writing.

Sam's said words like friend, compassionate, smart, helpful, tall, moose (which Sam laughed at) Etc.

Dean's said words like righteous, wonderful, lovely, and the one he would never tell a soul, beautiful. etc.

Dean blushed lightly at his and Sam grinned at his and set them back on the nails in the wall before they both decided to head up the stairs they saw Cas go up.

They both looked around when they got upstairs, the floor squeaking and saw a similar layout as the bottom but with two rooms attached to the main room that had the living area, kitchen, and dining room table in it. Cas was in the kitchen cooking what smelled like steaks and talking with the blond man from earlier. They both stopped their conversation as Sam and Dean entered which made Dean slightly suspicious but neither said anything.

"So Sam, Dean, this is Brandon, Brandon Sam Dean." Cas said flipping the steaks. 

"How do you do?" The man asked sitting on the stool across the stove on the island.

"Good." Sam called and Dean just waved, 'why is he here.' Dean thought angrily.

Cas must have been reading his mind because he spoke up. "I hope you dont mind but Brandon and I were going to celebrate after and I hadn't really planned you two being here but i have enough for four." Cas said in a chipper tone that made Dean slightly upset that Cas had that guy here. "You can take a seat at the dining room table it should be done soon." Cas called and continued to season the steaks.

Sam and Dean sat down and watched with interest as the blond man went behind Cas and whispered something neither brother could hear into his ear causing Cas to laugh. Dean felt as though he was gonna throw up. 

 

Cas stood cooking when Brandon came up behind him, leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Damn Cas you weren't kidding he is cute. Dont worry ill lay off the charm." Brandon said jokingly causing Cas to laugh.

Cas took out four plates and dished it all out before handing Brandon his plate along with his own while Cas carried Sam and Dean's and set it in front of them.

They all took bites of the food and gave complements to the chef before Brandon started talking. "So you two are the great Winchester brothers?" He asked smiling.

Dean felt his joy rise as he realized Cas had told Brandon about them. "I guess so." Sam said with a smile probably thinking the same thing as Dean but for a totally different reason.

"Cas has told me so much about you." The man said in a chipper tone.

Cas glared at Brandon but he didnt stop he just smiled. 

"Really?" Dean asked wondering what Cas had told them and how much.

"Indeed, I am surprised you are here." The man said and stood up with his plate and set it in the sink. "Excuse me Cassie. Do you mind? I left my shirt in the other room." The man said placing a hand on Cas' s shoulder. 'Dean was feeling better about Brandon until that.' Dean thought agitated.

"No go ahead. I think its in the corner." Cas said smiling while Brandon went into the other room.

"Cas?" 

"Yes Dean?"

"So you and... Brandon are... together?" Sam asked knowing Dean wanted too but wouldn't ask the question eating Dean up inside.

"Goodness no." Cas said laughing slightly trying to ease Dean who looked terrible.

"Then what with the whole... shirt thing?" Sam asked kinda confused but not wanting to annoy Cas while still getting enough to ease Dean's mind.

Before Cas could answer Brandon came out with a white shirt in hand splattered with paint. "Thanks Cassie found it. Though I dare say this paint shirt is dead." The man said laughing and threw the shirt near the steps.

"I will have to buy new ones." Cas said getting up and walking over to the counter his heeled shoes clicking all the way over. He grabbed a wallet off the counter and opened it. He pulled out a couple hundreds in a bundle and threw them at Brandon who caught it knowingly. 

Dean and Sam watched Cas close his wallet. "Whoa Cas thats a lot of money." Sam said trying to laugh off his startled expression.

"I just got some from the magazine deal." Cas said shrugging it off.

"Cas do you want me to get them now or later?" Brandon asked going through the money.

"Now and you keep the change, later and you dont." Cas offered with a wink and went back to the table while Brandon stared at Cas.

"Aye aye Cassie." The man called, saluted him and grabbed his shirt off the ground before scurrying off.

"Thats how you get a Brandon to leave." Cas said smugly at the Winchesters. 

"Nice Cas." Dean said with a hint of pride. Sam nodded before Dean raised his glass to get a drink. He regretted it immediately and switched hands but it was too late. Cas had seen the ring, Sam oblivious to what was going on seemed slightly concerned with both of their expressions.

"Sam can you give us a moment?" Cas asked turning to Sam with a smile. 

"Well im gonna go to a museum or something, give you two some alone time and ill meet you back at the hotel Dean." Sam said clapping him on the shoulder before before going down the stairs and out of the building leaving Dean and Cas alone.

"Dean."

"Cas."

"Can I see it?" 

"Yeah. One sec." 

Dean pulled off the ring and set it in Cas' s hands trying to steady his own.

Cas slowly sunk the ring down on his fourth finger and almost gasped when it made contact. Cas raised his eyes from his hand to Dean's green eyes watching the motions. "Dean, do you truly love me?" Cas asked. 

"Always." Dean said honestly taking Cas's left hand in his own and raising it to his lips and kissing it.

"You have to promise me, promise me you will never cheat on me, hit me, or refuse to tell me whats wrong." Cas said with tears growing in his bright blue eyes.

"I promise Cas. I will promise you anything."

"You have to mean it, I won't do this a second time." Cas warned softly through tears.

"God Cas I promise, I love you so much and if I lose you again I couldnt live with myself." Dean said.

Cas raised his ringed hand and laid it on Deans cheek before pulling him closer and kissing him very innocently and sweetly on the lips. Though it was short Dean savored every second. "Dean, this doesn't mean everything's fixed. You know that right? " Cas asked his face and inch away from Deans stroking his cheek.

"I know and I promise ill fix this." Dean said with determination in his voice searching Cas's face.

"Dean, I still love you." 

"Cas, I still love you."

"Dean will you stay tonight and just lay with me, I missed you so much."

"Of course and me too angel, me too." Dean said taking his hand again smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry it takes so long but each chapter is usually two thousand words to four thousand so each chapter is usually the length of a one shot. Each chapter takes usually two hours to eight hours if not longer depending. So yeah. And no Dean and Cas are not totally peachy they have a lot to talk about. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I love you all! ♡♡♡


	18. Gel pens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is so short but im on vacation right now and I didnt even plan to update till Wednesday or Thursday but I couldnt not give you guys anything for so long so I thought I would give you guys this tiny tid bit.

Dean had called Sam and let him know he would be spending the night with Cas. They had both sat and talked about Cas and his buisness while Dean listened intrigued while Dean told Cas about how he was doing. Then once it started to grow dark Cas brought Dean to his room and put on a movie. 

Cas snuggled into Dean's body, resting his head on Dean's chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. Dean listened half interested to the drabble on the tv and watched Cas, his eyes flickering over the tv. Dean run his hand up and down Cas's waist breathing in the smell of Cas's hair. He had missed it so much. He removed his interest and just watched Cas. Dean leaned his head down and kissed him on the top of the head.

Cas slightly startled by that looked up and met Dean's smile and warm gaze. Cas tilted his head and kissed Dean softly on the lips. Cas felt almost breathless as he pulled away just an inch from Dean with his eyes still closed. Cas had been missing this and dreaming of this for so long and this moment is so exceptionally perfect in the warm bed with soft sheets with his Dean with him.

"Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." Dean muttered hot against Cas's skin before meeting his soft lips again. Dean raised his free arm and held Cas's cheek in his hand stroking his thumb up and down in. Cas shuffled a bit and sat himself in Dean's lap and kissed him deeply.

Dean rested one hand on Cas's waist and pulled him closer so both of their chests were touching completely. Dean could feel himself growing harder in his pants and stifled a moan. Cas moaned too but instead of grinding their hips together like Dean tried he just got off of Dean and laid down next to him. Dean almost cried from the anger and want to release but he just kissed softly and said goodnight before letting Cas snuggle him though he desperately wanted release.

Morning light drifted through the windows and awoke alone in bed clutching Cas's pillow. He opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times before he found Cas' s bathroom and went over to it still stumbling from the haze of sleep.

He made his way out of the bathroom and went out of the room but Cas wasn't there. He went over to the kitchen and found a note next to a plate of food covered with a silver lide stating 'eat this I am downstairs.' Signed Cas. Dean shrugged before eating the perfect bacon and eggs. 

Dean ate them all with a grin before going back into the bedroom and opening Cas's closet. He searched for anything not dressy nor covered in paint for several minutes when he found what looked like a tee shirt. He pulled it out and realized it was one of his tee shirts. Dean had been trying to find it but he had just assumed he had lost it. Dean slipped it over his head with a smile went downstairs where he found Cas throwing paint unto a canvas. He went up behind Cas wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him on the neck causing Cas to jump out of surprise and shudder.

Dean was about to ask Cas why it was so loud when he remembered that they are behind Cas's shop. Dean went over and peeked his head out of the slit in the boarder and saw multiple people looking at each piece along with some purchasing it. Cas tapped Dean on the shoulder with one hand before he went through the slit carrying a canvas and set it against the wall. People cheered as Cas slid the painting unto a nail in the wall, no doubt there from a previous painting. 

Cas turned to head back when a little girl tugged on his sleeve. She had blond little pig tails and held up a picture of one of his painting. "Can you sign this Mr Prufrock?" The little girl asked nervously holding out a sparkly pen.

"Of course. Whats your name?"

"Emily."

"Well hello Emily. I love your pig tails." Cas said as he knelt down so he was closer in height to the little girl. 

"Thank you." The girl said smiling as he signed the picture 'to emily Castiel Prufrock.' And added a smiley face beforr handing It back to the little girl who smiled and hugged him before running over to her mother and showing her the autograph.

He came back over to Dean with a smile and Dean couldnt help but grin watching it, he wasn't able to stop his mind from thinking about what if that was their little girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1856823
> 
> This is one of my fav stories I thought someone might enjoy it. ^-^
> 
> So sorry I promise there will be a longer chapter it just wont be done till probably thursday. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and yeah. :) ♡♡♡
> 
> Have a very wonderful day!


	19. Housewife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean part ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Sam in this he is a total cold sassy moose!

"Dean."

"Cas."

"Yes and im Sam know can we get a move on?" 

"So, umm well I will see you soon?" Cas said shuffling back and fourth on his feet.

"Yeah. Yeah. Ill be at the bunker and stuff and take your time getting back." Dean said trying to hide his pain.

"Ill be back soon I just need to set up arrangements." Cas said hoping to reassure Dean.

"Well it was good seeing you but Dean and I need to go so we will be seeing you soon." Sam said before hugging Cas quickly.

Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean lightly on the lips before Dean was being drug away by Sam towards the boarding area for the plane.

Cas sighed watching Dean leave and headed back to his shop. 'What am I going to do? I have my shop, my art, I have a whole buisness formed. But I love Dean, I need him.' Cas debated back and fourth all the way to his apartment and even while he cooked dinner.

His flight was schueled for three days from now, enough time to pack and tell Brandon his plans. Cas went to bed well past his normal time that night but sleep didnt come. How is he supposed to choose between Dean his love who has made so many mistakes and his career, his passion?

Cas rolled over on his side and saw the gift Dean had gotten him for Christmas. It made him smile recalling the memory.

 

"Cas, um well I didnt know I was gonna see you or I would have had something prepared but I uh wanted to give you something anyway." Dean said awkwardly before handing Cas the wrapped rectangle.

Cas blushed and peeled away the wrapping and looked at the book in his hands. He ran his hand up the brand new spine that read 'Wedding Planning.' Cas smiled before kissing Dean.

 

Cas shook himself out of the memory and looked at the book. 'I need Dean I love him. I want to marry him and adopt a kid with him. I just dont know what to do.' Cas decided before the warm embrace of sleep claimed him.

Dean went inside followed shortly by Sam and threw his bags in the corner but carefully set down the pictures Cas had gave him. After the gift Dean had presented Cas, Cas had given Dean the Sam and Dean painting as a present saying, 'it was their soul anyway.' And that it was rightfully theirs.

Dean searched his front pocket and pulled out his phone and checked for a message before scrolling through his photos and finding the picture of them kissing Dean had taken one night. He smiled before setting it as his home page and putting his phone away. 

Sam went to his room and sat on the bed, creaking under his weight and thought about what Cas had told him. Cas had pulled him aside while Dean was using the bathroom and told him very quietly that he didnt know what to do. Sam had tried to give Cas advice but honestly what was he supposed to say? 'I love Dean and I love you but Dean kinda messed up a lot but hes nothing without you. But you love him and you need him but now you have a new life and you have to make a choice.' 

Sam knew it all just came down to Cas and whether he chose Dean or New York. Sam sighed in frustration and ran his hand threw his hair. 'Why does this have to be so hard? It would all be so simple if I didnt love Cas. Hes a brother to me at this point and I want what's best for him. But I also want what's best for Dean, and sadly they aren't the same thing.'

Sam still thinking about this was interrupted by Dean knocking on his door and leaning in the doorway. "Diners done jerk."

"Thanks bitch." Sam called at Dean's back before following him into the kitchen to eat spaghetti, one of the easiest things both brothers can manage to cook.

They both sat in silence eating, neither daring to question what both had on their mind. 

 

Cas had pulled Brandon aside near the end of the day and told him the most recent events. Brandon had tilted his head and made thinking sounds when Cas had asked if he could run the place without him. Cas technically owned the place and could fire him for such a thing since he paid Brandon to do that but he just laughed at Brandon. They were more of friends then anything else at this point instead of Cas being a boss he was a friend who paid him. Brandon even walked back and fourth around the room 'contemplating' in his bright red skinny jeans and even walked over to the shop window and gazed out for many minutes.

Finally he turned around sharply and ran into his arms and hugged him, which was quite startling and said, "aww Cassie go talk to Dean and work this all out. I can hold the fort down for you." And kissed him on the cheek and ruffled his dark hair.

"Thanks Brandon." Cas said honestly and smiled before heading upstairs to start packing. He was to leave tomorrow and he didnt have a single thing packed. 

Cas pulled down a brown luggage bag he had bought and started to pack his clothing, toiletries, and finally on top his T S Eliot book before closing the lid with a thud and zipping it up.

He sat the brown bag in the corner of his room and flopped down into bed and clicked off the lamp on his side table and let out a deep breath not letting himself question what he was gonna do.

 

"DEAN IF YOU DONT STOP VACUUMING I AM GOING TO SNAP YOUR NECK!" 

"WHAT!?" Dean asked over the rumble of the vacuum as he went behind the couch lifting the blanket so it wouldn't get sucked up.

"DEAN!" 

Dean pointed at his ears and shrugged before continuing behind the couch.

Finally Sam annoyed to his end ripped the cord out of the wall and threw it on the ground. "What the hell Dean!?" Sam asked with his hands on his hips sporting a rather nasty bitch face.

"Im vacuuming, obviously." Dean said sarcastically and challenged Sam's bitchface with one of his own.

"NO DIP SHERLOCK... what I meant to say is why are you vacuuming. You have never vacuumed. EVER." Sam asked willing himself to calm down. He was trying to study for a particularly nasty Latin quiz when Dean had to go crazy housewife and start cleaning everything which wasn't too terrible until he started vacuuming as though his life depended on it.

"Because... Cas is coming today!" Dean said trying to hide his joy. 

"Oh..... well in that case.... carry on." 

Dean smirked triumphantly before plugging it back into the wall and continuing.

Cas had landed after the gruelling flight and by some miracle of God found his luggage at a record speed and headed out to the taxi. 

The whole ride there he tapped his foot nervously on the ground, which may have to do with why the driver had been speeding the whole way there and giving Cas dirty looks in the mirror. When they arrived Cas apologized for the tapping which made the man smile so Cas gave him a hundred and told him to keep the change.

Cas found himself on the Winchester house with one bag and his hand raised to knock. He stood outside for several minutes before he finally found the courage to hit the door three solid times.

Cas shuffled on his feet while pretending like he couldnt hear Sam's steps near the door followed by quieter, no doubt Dean and the lovely conversation of, "Your angels here!"

"Dont you dare open that door bitch!"

"Why would I even want to?"

"I dont know for amusement! "

"Move it or lose it mooseman! " followed by a large thud, no doubt Sam getting shoved into the wall and then the door opened to reveal Dean with a triumphant smile and Sam near the door rubbing his shoulder.

"Hey Cas! Almost didnt hear you." Dean said and enveloped Cas in a bone crushing hug but Cas didnt mind though he did have to stifle a laugh. 

Cas hugged back then kissed Dean sweetly before coming inside with his bag and setting it down before hugging Sam. "Good to see ya Cas." Sam said patting him on the back.

Cas pulled away and looked at the room. It was surprisingly clean and organized though it looked little different except... Cas smiled and went over to the wall of pictures and saw most of them were of Cas with one of the brothers. Sam and Cas playing Scrabble, Sam had taken the photo with a free hand. Cas and Dean snuggling on the couch. 'Wait Sam had a picture of that?' Then there were the photos of Cas painting with Sam watching.

Cas didnt even realize he was crying until Dean reached up and wiped away the tears. "You okay Cas?" Dean asked. Sam just watched not wanting to interrupt the moment no doubt.

"Its just.. so crazy how much has happened." Cas said before launching at Dean and kissing him. He stroked Deans cheek and held unto him while Dean ran a hand up his back and held his neck. Cas pulled back gently after a while, mostly due to lack of air and pecked him once on the mouth and then looked over at Sam who seemed auite uncomfortable and hugged him tightly. 

At one point both brothers would have been uncomfortable with so much contact so frequently but neither seemed to mind any more sometimes even doing it first. Sam hugged Cas back and patted him on the back.

Cas pulled away and told Sam very sincerely, "We need to play Scrabble tonight."

"Yeah Cas sounds great." Sam said very honestly and looked over at Dean who had the nostalgic look on his face soaking it all in.

"And did I mention it looks very nice in here." Cas said who turned towards Dean and winked before grabbing his bag from the corner and putting them in his room leaving Sam and Dean who both seemed quite content and happy with the whole situation.

Cas set the bags in his and Deans room and couldnt help his glee at seeing Dean had new bedding which helped significantly with forgetting about the... incident and there were only two things on the side table. His clay gift to him and a photo of Dean and Cas kissing.

Cas unzipped his suitcase and pulled out their book and set it lovingly with the other two things. He moved over to the window and opened the white flowing curtains. 'Wait I had nagged Dean about how much I wanted these. He did remember.' Cas thought feeling a wave of happiness wash over him so he left his clothing and phone in his bag and went back into the living room and found it empty. 

He shrugged, which he later realized no one could see and went into the kitchen where Sam and Dean sat with food all in front of them along with an empty seat with food in front of it. "Well sit down dont just stand there." Dean said mockingly but held warmth in it.

Cas said down with a slight blush and ate the food which was surprisingly good considering their cooking skills. "Thanks this is very good " Cas said to no one in particular since he didnt know who made it.

"No problem." Dean answered rubbing the back of his neck.

"You should have seen him Cas scurrying around in the kitch-" Sam started but was cut off by Dean kicking him in the shin. Sam didnt say anything but he did send Dean a glare which Dean returned with a smirk you could only call devious.

Cas hid his smile in his hand at the display and sent Sam a shy smile because Dean cleaned for no one and cooked for even less people, apparently except him.

The dinner went smoothly until Cas heard his phone ring and answered it before walking back into the kitchen. "Hello?" 

Dean and Sam pretended like they were still eating and wished they could hear what Cas could. "Yes. Yes.... okay." Cas said pacing back and fourth in front of the kitchen table.

"So.... there is a point to this whole story Brandon or no?"

Dean glared slightly at the phone wishing Brandon could see it. 

"Wait!" Cas said quite loudly in the small room causing both brothers to jump. "You dont mean? Really? Thats amazing news! I can't believe you remembered. " Cas said in a warm tone much too sweetly for Dean's liking.

"When is it? Yes. Yes. Okay ill be there. Yes I know Brandon. Wait? I dont know. " Cas continued but now he stopped pacing and just leaned talking on his phone with an annoyed look on his face. Dean and Sam were both thoroughly intrigued at this point and were deathly silent hoping to catch some of the conversation.

"Well... okay Brandon bear with me, I am only going to say this once. So take a shower and use that Sheer Professional shampoo then go into the cabinet. The bottom one and take out the brown jar. Use about a quarter sized amount and roll it into your palm until its soft. Go from the front of your hair to the back. Then blow dry for ten minutes. Yes Brandon use the diffuser. Then go down next door and get a custom suit, you can take some money from the drawyer I would get it in a light brown with perhaps a green thread. Then dont forget to remind Mr Green I have his painting done for pick up. Then go down to Luckys and get your shoes done and get a ten not an eleven even though you want too. I dont care if it damages your masculinity. Only leather not suede we remember what happened last time right? Okay and dont forget this time to give them the application. Okay and if your lucky he might even hire us." Cas finished after the lengthy rant looking at his nails. 

Sam and Dean both exchanged confused and slightly impressed glances. "Uh huh. Yeah. Bye." Cas finished and turned off the phone before sitting down and looking at Dean and Sam excitedly. "So. I got a deal with Rolling Stone for a cover and an article." Cas said with a smile.

"Oh my God Cas thats amazing!" Sam said first actually quite surprised, not just anyone gets to be on the cover.

"Yeah Cas thats pretty impressive." Dean said with his voice laced with pride.

Cas blushed and thanked them both, "Oh and sorry bout the last part Brandon is going out to LA for an interview on whether or not they want to do a photo shoot with me and last time it was a little rough." Cas said raising his eyebrows.

He met their eyes before taking a deep breath and Cas took Deans hand. "So the magazine shoot is in a month and well I've made up my mind. I was wondering since its so close if we could get married before then so I can make the announcement in the article. I mean I dont know about where we are gonna live or how the buisness will work but I know I want to marry you and I want to get married here." Cas said sincerely.

"Uh." Dean said looking at Sam who nodded then at Cas's blue eyes. "Yeah. I mean yes I think we can get married before a month." Dean said firmly near the end squeezing Cas's hand.

"Good well. You know I can only stay here a week but I can head back and set things up with Brandon. You can either stay with me for the month or I can come back every other week." 

Dean wavered a look towards Sam. "Dean if you want to stay with Cas for the month go, but just remember you aren't having that wedding without me." Sam said with a teasing glare.

Dean nodded before batting the idea around in his head a bit. "Yeah Cas that sounds great. And then we will have the wedding here with Sam and whoever else we can find still alive." Dean said with a bit of a chuckle.

"Okay so now that that's settled. Lets play Scrabble! " Cas said with a smile that brightened the whole room. 

"Prepare to lose." Dean said with a smile that caused the whole table to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I updated early! Woot woot! It took about five hours but here it is! It would have been longer but the editing takes a bit. 
> 
> I hope you all like where this is going and please let me know! I love all kudos comments bookmarks everything! 
> 
> Also a big thanks to those keeping up with the story thats so great and let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions they are all welcome! 
> 
> Have a fabulous day! And you can always find me on tumblr at shipsmeanttosail if you want to talk leave me a prompt or ask for advice. I am willing to always listen if you need a friend!


	20. White Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get hitched!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling with this so im sorry if its a bit rushed or boring. :(

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah. Yes. Ready. Definitely ready."

"Did you comb your hair?"

"Yes mother. Obviously" Dean shot back with a glare and gestured to his hair.

"Don't get pissy on your wedding day." Sam said.

"Yeah yeah. To be fair I wouldn't be if I didnt have a moose breathing down my neck"

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Im proud of you. Im glad, no ecstatic your getting married and there is no one better for you then Cas." 

"Thanks Sammy." Dean said knowing he was sincere. 

"I mean it Dean you two are meant to be together and I want you to know that and also its okay if you stay with Cas in New York I mean they have schools there for me." Sam said stuffing his hands in his pocket. "And dont give me a response till after the honeymoon." Sam said and hugged Dean quickly. "Now go out there and get married!"

Dean took a deep breath before he heard the music start and he walked out, slightly taken aback by the crowd, but he kept walking. Garth was there along with Meg which he wasn't thrilled about along with Ash, Charlie, Jo, and Adam. He wished Bobby was in the crowd more then anything but he was thankful for who came.

 

Cas and Dean had planned the wedding in record breaking time, to be fair it wasn't the most extravagant thing in the world but they put a lot of heart into the small church building. Charlie had insisted on helping put up the decorations and even helped pick out the bouquets. Dean and Cas went out to a bakery in downtown New York and tried several wedding cakes before having to choose between a white, Cas's favorite and chocolate, Dean's favorite. In the end Cas choose the chocolate, it was worth it in his mind to see Dean's eyes crinkle and his bright smile that made him look like a kid when he ate it. 

Sam had secretly flown down early and went to the jewelry store with Cas to find the perfect ring for Dean. Cas had drug him to about thirty stores before they went into a ridiculously expensive store, the kind with red carpets and nothing under four thousand dollars available and Cas found a silver band similar to his though it was actually platinum with a green Peridot in the center. When Cas pointed to the ring and said it was the one he wanted the man in a suit looked at Cas and almost laughed and said 'he wouldn't be able to afford it.'In response Cas had answered, 'try me.' And opened his wallet full of hundreds. 

Cas was making prints of past artworks and selling the prints for a pricy amount. Honestly he was rolling in the money. Neither brother commented on it though, Dean did smile though when he woke up in the middle of the night and found several letters sitting on the table to get mailed, one for a Samuel Winchester, for forty thousand dollars, one letter for his college with two checks to his teachers along with two coupons for a free piece of artwork, and a last check for 'DAR a domestic abuse recovery organization.' Dean almost shed a tear, bursting with pride at having such an amazing to be husband and slid all the letters and checks into place like he had never seen them and went back to bed.

When he woke up the next morning and they were gone Dean felt a swell of pride with the fact Cas didnt tell Dean of his generosity. Instead Cas kissed him softly on the lips and handed him a plate full of breakfast he had taken the time to make.

Sam had received the check in the mail and honestly he almost shit his pants. He immediately called Cas and told him he couldnt accept, Cas in response told him if he didnt he would call his university and anonymously take it off of his balance anyways. Sam accepted the money with a grudge but thanked Cas quietly and against Cas's wishes told him he wouldn't accept any more.

Cas and Dean planned a trip to London for a week before coming back to New York for the magazine interview where Cas would drop the news. Cas wasn't sure what it would do to his career and stated that frankly he didnt care. His prints were selling like hotcakes and in return Brandon got promoted (he had suggested it) and set up a world wide shipping buisness. Now they had orders from around the world. Cas increased Brandon salary greatly because honestly it was amazing how well everything was selling. Not to mention his originals kept selling for more and more.

Though through all the chaos of painting, planning, and autographing Cas always fell into bed with Dean and snuggled into his side before telling him that the wedding was almost here. And honestly it was the best thing to hear before drifting to sleep.

Dean came to the front of the alter with stained glass above their heads and met Cas there, he was wearing a bright blue tie that matched his eyes beautifully and he stood under the white Christmas lights that swooped back and fourth casting a soft light over him.

Cas when told he could speak his vows took Dean's hands in his own and spoke while never breaking eye contact. "Dean Winchester, you are the single greatest, brightest person I have ever had the joy to know. I can say with all of my heart that there is no one in the world I could possibly love more then you. You have saved me Dean and though there are ups and downs I cannot imagine life without you. I love you forever."

"Castiel, well first of all I love you so much, honestly I never thought I would find someone. And certainly not someone as great as you. You are the light in my life as cheesy as that sounds and no matter what happens I will love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." Dean said and he meant ever word.

Dean couldnt see him but he could hear Sam holding back tears. He truly had given up hope he would settle down and yet here he was, getting married to none other then Cas.

Sam almost giggled for a moment when he thought about it. Ex angel of the lord, hooker, lap dancer, artist, was marrying Dean who he had raised from perdition, and if that wasn't the beggining to a bad joke he didnt know what was but yet it worked so perfectly. 

They both kissed sweetly in front of the crowd with tears in their eyes Sam couldnt have been more happy. And honestly neither could Cas and Dean. 

Everyone had taken the time to congratulate them or in Charlie and Garths case hugged them very tightly. Sam pulled Cas away from Dean only a moment before anyone noticed and gave him a tight hug. "I am so happy for you Cas. I wish you and Dean life long happiness." Sam said and squeezed him again before leaving.

Cas smiled and adjusted his tie before he felt arms wrap around his waist from behind and was kissed behind his ear and then kissed on his neck. "So Castiel Winchester will you go to London with me?" Dean asked before pressing his lips to Cas lightly, his breath ghosting across his skin.

"Of course husband." Cas replied before turning around and kissing him on the lips and cupped Dean's face stroking his cheeks. 

"Come on angel. We have a plane to catch." Dean whispered before taking his hand and leading him out to the impala while the crowd cheered as they left and Sam screaming "I dont want to hear the details!" To which Dean smiled and flipped him the finger.

Dean opened the door of the Impala for Cas and just as he went to duck his head inside he saw a man eating a lollipop across the street. The man lifted his head, smiled at Cas and gave a thumbs up before disappearing. Cas knew the face anywhere and couldn't help but feel like the day was made complete.

"Everything all right baby?" Dean asked with concern, oblivious to what had just went down, 'what if Cas decided he didnt want to get married.'

"Everything's perfect." Cas replied before he kissed Dean and ducked into the car and drove with Dean to the airport nervously excited for an awesome trip to London and Cas was going to have his first time with Dean. He was nervous actually even though he has long lost his virginity, this time was different, this was special. This was with his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time it took to update. I know from experience fics that take forever to update drive me insane! Also I had sorta lost inspiration and couldnt figure out what to do then this came to me. Im not feeling this fic much anymore and im wrapping it up. I can say there will probably be two or three more chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and keeping with the fic and thanks for lovely comments and criticism. 
> 
> Have a fabulous day! May you get asked out, get a good grade, get that promotion, or whatever else you wish to happen, happen!


	21. London Baby!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean in London.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNING*** THIS IS SMUT! I AM NOT CHANGING THE RATING BECAUSE THIS WILL BE THE *ONLY* CHAPTER WITH SMUT BUT IT IS SMUT!
> 
> I felt like it was actually important to include their first time together because they have been through so much together and after Cas recovering this is a big step. 
> 
> I apologize this is my first smut and I had a hard time writing it! So sorry if its all terrible. I think theer will be one or two more chapters!

Cas had booked the largest room in the hotel. Dean didn't know Cas was going to have sex with him for the first time and thought they would just talk and make out for a bit. Cas was very nervous and excited for that surprise he knew that Dean would be fine if it made him happy and that really helped him make his choice. "So Cas can I open my eyes yet?" Dean asked as Cas held his hand over his eyes. 

"Almost." Cas said and opened the door to the room. He flicked on the lights, the chandelier sent a warm glow over the large room with a big bed. "Okay open your eyes." Cas said removing his hands from Dean's face.m. 

Dean opened his eyes and gasped. "Wow, I didnt even know there were rooms this big available." Dean exclaimed taking it all in with mouth hanging open. 

Cas shuffled nervously on his feet worrying he had gone too extravagant. "Is it okay?" 

Dean looked at Cas worrying his sleeve, he stepped towards him and kissed him softly on the lips. "Its wonderful Cas."

"I'm happy you like it. But I want to talk to you about something important." Cas said bringing Dean's ringed hand to his lips and kissing it.

"Is everything all right?" Dean asked suddenly very worried.

"Everything's wonderful, now stop worrying and come sit on this huge bed with your husband." Cas said dragging Dean towards the bed and flopping down. "So Dean, I know that um we haven't had sex and you have been so wonderful. I love you so much Dean and as your husband I want to have sex with you." Cas said with a firm tone and watched as Dean's eyes got wider by the end.

"Are you sure Cas, you never have to do anything you dont want to? I totally understand" 

"I know Dean and you are always so wonderful and perfect and understanding. I love you more then I can ever tell you and I want to share this with you." Cas said holding his hand stroking it with his thumb. 

"Positive?" Dean asked once more needing to know that Cas was okay with it for sure.

Cas leaned forward and kissed him lightly before speaking against his lips. "I want you to fuck me." 

Dean nodded and claimed Cas' s lips passionately. Cas moved his hand under his shirt and lifted it over Dean's head. Cas worked his way over Dean's jaw then kissed a trail down his stomach towards his pants. Dean watched as Cas unzipped them and slid them down, he kissed every inch he uncovered. Cas threw his pants and boxers on the floor with a thud and looked at Dean threw his eyelashes. "You are amazing Dean." He whispered and kissed Dean on the inside of his thigh. 

Cas moved every so slightly and kissed the base of his cock before kissing a trail lightly up until he reached the top and planted a last kiss. "Cas you dont have to do that." He said through gritted teeth.

"Dean I want to. I enjoy this. And I have no gag reflex so feel free to use it." Cas said before leaning down and putting just the tip in his mouth and sucked lightly causing Dean to gasp.

Cas made eye contact with Dean before he went all the way down on Dean in one fluid motion causing a string of slurs to escape Dean's lips. "God Cas!" Dean gasped and moved his hands to his hair, gripping the soft strands.

Cas pulled up and kissed Dean on the lips before returning back down again. "Fuck my mouth Dean." Cas said and could see the thankfulness in Dean's eyes and he tightened his grasp on his hair and started to rock gently into his mouth. Then he went deeper as he felt it hit the back of his throat. Cas let Dean thrust until he could feel Dean almost climax and pulled off with a pop.

"Will you make love to me?" Cas asked kissing Dean on the lips and got his answer when Dean flipped him unto the bed.

"God Cas I love you so much but you need to be naked now." Dean said in a wretched voice and pulled off his shirt admiring the muscles and tattoos before pulling down his pants and saw something he wasn't expecting. In small font was the initials CW and DW on his hip near his hair. "Cas?"

"Do you like it?" Cas asked getting more fidgety every second.

"Do you know how much I love the idea of you marking yourself as mine? So great Cas." He whispered and kissed the mark biting it ever so lightly causing Cas to moan.

"Cas you are so goregous." Dean said placing a kiss on his hip. "Wonderful." Kissing his chest. "Goregous." He said kissing him lightly on the lips. "You are the most amazing person and I am so lucky to call you my own." Dean praised and ran a hand down his side.

Cas handed him the lube from the table and Dean slicked a finger before entering the tight ring of muscle and moving it lightly. He waited a few minutes before adding another. "You okay baby?"

"Yeah, add another." Cas said breathlessly.

Dean added another and started to scissor him until he found his prostate and Cas shivered. "Dean im ready!" Cas cried, he needed more.

Dean lubed himself before pressing the head to the entrance. Dean kissed Cas before entering him. Cas gasped and held unto Dean's shoulders his nails digging lightly. "You doing okay?" Dean asked stroking Cas's cheek.

"Yeah move." Cas panted and Dean started to thrust gently. Cas started to rock into Dean. Dean would pull out completely before entering him again hitting his prostate making Cas moan.

"Im close." Cas panted, he could feel the warmth spreading out. 

"Let go." Dean said in his ear before Cas came on Dean's chest. Dean followed after Cas finished.

They laid panting until Dean pulled out and Cas snuggled into Dean's arms. "Are you okay love?" Dean asked running a hand up his side and kissed Cas on the head.

"Never been better. I love you Dean." Cas said looking Dean in the eyes.

"I love you too and thank you for trusting me."

"I always trust you." Cas mumbled and kissed Dean softly on the lips and ran a hand over his cheek before snuggling back down unto Dean's chest.

"I love you Castiel Winchester."

"I love you Dean Winchester." Cas mumbled before they fell asleep in the warm bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and the next chapter will have more plot but I felt this was important for the characterization.
> 
> I have been really busy lately so it may take a few days plus its gonna be the weekend.


	22. The End

Cas and Dean opened the door as Sam walked in with a bottle of champagne. "Congratulations!" He cheered happily. 

"Thanks!" Cas said taking the bottle in one arm and hugging him with the other. 

"I can't believe we finally got one." 

"So when will you guys get her?"

"She's due in three months and then she can come home with us." Cas said happily.

"That's so great! Do you have a name picked out?" Sam asked as they went into the living room.

"We were thinking about Emily." Cas said looking over at Dean.

"Thats a cute name." Sam said and watched Cas reach across and hold Dean's hand in his own. 

"Oh come and see the nursery. " Cas exclaimed and drug Sam into the large pink room with a crib in the center.

"Wow its beautiful."  
~

 

Sam got married by the beach and then by the time they came back the baby was born. Dean and Cas finally got to bring home the beautiful baby girl into their large house. 

Turns out the public didnt care much he was gay and married, if anything it helped buisness. Brandon lived in the house on the left of theirs and Sam lived on the right with his new kids also.

And when Dean grew old and looked over at Cas holding his hand he could hardly believe they both got their apple pie life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end sorry it is so so short I had planned more but I lost inspiration and I couldnt leave you guys hanging. Thanks to everyone for the love and support! It really means a lot. Have a fabulous destiel day! Its weird for it to be done but yet im happy with how it turned out. I may update it one day but for now. Thanks.


End file.
